I just realized I’m guilty. I’m guilty of posting about the “good things.” I’m one of those moms who posts the adorable pictures and the precious moments and paints the bland picture of happiness to my readers. So tonight I’m posting just a few sentences to say -
Being a parent is hard. It leeches you of your energy and your freedom and your sense of control and spits you back out gasping for air. Being a stay at home mom is hard. It steals away the identity you spent years molding and leaves you feeling lost. All of this is hard. You try to retain some semblance of you by showering every few days or trying to remember to put on some moisturizer; but frankly, it’s a bit of a façade.
It just is. Really fucking hard. Really exhausting. Really shattering.
Each day, each week, each month. I am tired, I am lonely, I am sad.
And I am in love, in love, in love.
So that’s that. Just wanted to point out the other side.
Thank you for this - I really appreciate knowing all sides and the layers of what you're feeling around being a parent. I'd live to hear how parenting is affecting you and your husband's relationship, too, if you feel comfortable sharing. I know you guys have great communication and am imagining you are parenting well together but would love to hear anything you're willing to share. Sending good thoughts - he's getting cuter all the time (and he started pretty darn cute)! :-)
ReplyDeletePreach, girl! Parenting is hard and, I hate to say it, it stays hard. The challenges simply change as your child grows. But each day they gain a little more independence and you get a bit of yourself back. Praying for you during this difficult time. It does get a little easier once they turn one! Much love.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it crazy, how something (someone!) so wonderful can also be so trying? So exhausting? So all encompassing?
ReplyDeleteMy sister once said that she didn't feel like she was any part of her own person until each of her boys hit the age of two. That was definitely true with Finn.
So much this. I sometimes find myself anxiously awaiting the time when they will be a little more independent and can walk and eat real food. Then 5 minutes later I am snuggling one of them and wishing they would stop growing up so fast. It's amazing and wonderful and so very, very hard. I think my loss of freedom has been the hardest part for me. My inability to leave the house without all sorts of planning and timing gets to me sometimes. I miss being spontaneous and then I remind myself this stage is temporary and I will slowly get more freedom again.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you posted this. It's nice to hear that others feel the same way.