Bear with me on this post. I am extremely exhausted and emotional today (maybe a leftover from my extreme excitement and emotions yesterday) and I am currently sitting at work, curled up with a pillow in my lap, crying in a melodramatic way a la a Victorian lady.
But that aside, I've decide to write a post that I've started writing a few times before and then scrapped because I am afraid I will offend someone or come across naively clueless or will just...not get my point across correctly. But, here goes....
Yesterday when I posted my post of exuberant happiness about how healthy my baby is and how happy we are, it was bookended by some blog posts in my blogroll that seriously broke my heart. After reading these other posts, I almost considered deleting my own post because it just felt so absurdly insensitive. Who am I to blurt out my good fortune when others are losing their hopes or losing their babies? How awful.
You see, when I started this blog, I wanted to document my experiences getting pregnant, being pregnant, and having a baby. Mostly because I didn't want to overwhelm my friends with my obsessive nature, so I needed an outlet. And then, in an effort to find other people to read my blog, I stumbled across other people who were trying to get pregnant. Seemed like a good fit....until I started learning about the heartbreaking world of infertility and realized that most people who blog about trying to get pregnant are actually veterans at this art. Through this, I learned about the strength, the dedication, the hope and the inspiration that comes from people going through this struggle. Simultaneously, I happened to have a friend at work who started to go through IVF.
That was the first point I considered making a post about my guilt and about my not (as far as I knew) having infertility problems. But then I decided against it. It seemed too self-centered to call attention to it by apologizing somehow. So then I got pregnant. Again, I considered making a post. I even wrote it out. But I didn't. I felt like, this isn't my "right" to imagine what others might be feeling while reading about my pregnancy. I'll just let people make their own decisions about continuing to read my blog and respect their decisions either way. So, on I went.
But yesterday, when I saw the wonderful comments left for me by so many people, some of which I know are struggling with finding a path to their own baby, and I re-read the blog posts written that week that are filled with heartbreak and strength, I just felt...shocked by the contrast.
And thus, this post. I'm not sure what the purpose of the post is. But I guess I just want to put it out there. I want to let my readers know that I am not taking my good luck for granted. Seeing how hard women are struggling just makes me feel so...blessed (yes, I said blessed, and I'm not even religious) to be lucky enough to get the news I got yesterday. I wish there was a way to share this "luck" with the rest of you, but instead, just know that I don't take it for granted. And if you are going through months, years, a lifetime of chasing your dream of a baby, please know I am so impressed by you and your strength.