Thursday, May 16, 2013

House without a Soul

So, with all the fight and struggle and energy into saving our nine year old dog from cancer, then fate hits us with a big ironic slap in the face. Last night we lost our cat. He was hit by a car. He wasn't even three years old.

Now I know to some of you, losing a cat may not seem like that big of a deal. Some people aren't cat people. Some people don't understand. But to me, a cat gives a house a soul. This cat, Indiana (Indy for short), was an amazing cat. He was, frankly, the best cat I have ever had. He had the right amount of playfulness, adventure, cuddlyness, beauty, grace, and just...personality. He definitely gave our house a soul. It seemed like, whatever we were doing, there he was. Wandering around the kitchen while we cooked dinner. Sitting with us on the couch while we watched TV. Purring on my stomach (lately I was telling him how much the baby loved it when he made her home vibrate). Greeting me in the morning. Sleeping on my pillow at night.

Normally he was an indoor-only cat. But recently, we've been breaking our own rules and letting him go outside a bit. He only ever went out for about 5-10 minutes tops, and we were convinced he wasn't leaving the walled fortress of our yard. Now, I hate myself for that decision.

Last night I was sound asleep, when my husband woke up me with a broken, panicked sound in his voice. "I think Indy was hit by a car." Somehow I just knew he was right. All I wanted to do was go back to sleep so it wasn't true. But I followed him outside. I came out the front door just in time to see him coming in our front gate, carrying Indy. I thought, "Oh good, he's okay." I don't know why I thought that. He laid him on the front steps....ugh. I can still see him. He looked like he was sleeping, except for the blood in his mouth. Just...sleeping. It must have just happened, because when I touched him, he felt like he was sleeping. He was so warm and so soft. I am sorry. I am going to stop myself here because I feel like I am going to give too many details of something that is still so fresh in my mind.

Long story short, he is gone. So quickly. No time to process it. Such a damn shock. I keep forgetting and looking to see if he's going to jump on the bed with me or walk down the hall to say hi. I keep thinking a half-thought, "Wait a second, wasn't there something I was supposed to remember about the cat?" And then I remember. He's dead.

We lost our cat of six years before we got Indiana. That was hard. But this is harder. For some reason, he wheedled his way into our family so much faster and deeper and now the house just feels empty. I know it will get better with time. But right now I keep feeling like I'm not sure how to process what happened.

Monte had a big vet appointment today. At the last appointment she had said she wasn't sure if he was responding well enough to the chemo and we may have to "make some decisions" this week. Both of us had the same thought - that we might suddenly find ourselves as a pet-less family. So my husband took the day off (I don't work Thursdays) to come to the appointment with me. Just in case. But luckily, we got GOOD NEWS. Monte is still okay.

Anyhow, thank you for reading. It feels good to just write about it to make it feel more real. Every time I start talking about it in real life I get so upset that I have to stop and distract myself or I'm worried it will be bad for the baby. Really, I don't think I was in the best mental state to handle this right now. So, thanks for listening.

I'm going to leave you with some pictures....


 photo Indy6.jpg
 photo Indy5.jpg
 photo Indy2.jpg
 photo Indy7.jpg
 photo Indy.jpg
 photo Indy4.jpg
 photo 30345_10151638695877990_1235035384_n.jpg

17 comments:

  1. OOOoohhh noooo how sad!!! I can't even imagine how sad you must be :( I don't know what to say except that I feel really sad for you and I am sending you a huge abrazo y besitos a la distancia!

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  2. Oh no! I'm so sorry, he was so precious. :(

    I never understood the cat and dog divide - I'm with you, a house needs both. A couple of years ago on the day that I found out I needed IVF, we drove home from the Doc and our cat died right in front of us. I know exactly what you're going through with the imagery stuck in your head and the emptiness of the house - it'll get better, it will.

    I'm so sorry!

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  3. I am not a cat person, but with two dogs I know how much they are part of the family. I'm glad that Monte is doing better, but I can only imagine how devastated you guys are. He looked like an adorable cat- I'm sorry he was taken way too soon. :-(

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  4. I'm so sorry hun. :( I am a cat person and I'm trying not to cry reading this.

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  5. What sweet pictures! I am definitely a cat person and understand about your cat giving your house a soul - I know mine does! I also understand the pain when that bond is broken with our furry friends! It hurts so much and I'm so sorry you have to go through this loss. Mourn the loss of your sweet friend and cherish the memories he brought to your home! :-(

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  6. Oh no! He was such a gorgeous and sweet boy, judging from the photos. It's a real struggle to strike a balance between safety and freedom for pets. I'm trying to train my younger dog to be outside off leash (I live on 40 acres, and I love the freedom my older dog has to run around and explore when I'm out with her). Sometimes she'll be super responsive and obedient, but she still 'gets the bit between her teeth' at times and takes off, and I can't help imagining the worst. You were trying to give Indy the best of all worlds; I can completely understand how devastated you must be right now.

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  7. I am so sorry for your loss. He looks like a sweet kitty.

    We adopted an adult cat last year. He is 5 years old now. He is the first cat I have had since I was a child and he is so sweet and fun. I'd be very sad if anything happened to him.

    And I am very sorry that you are having to go through this on top of what is happening with your dog. :(

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  8. Oh, I'm so sorry about Indy. He's such a handson little guy and I just love the diamond on his forehead. Glad to hear Monte is responding to treatment.

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  9. I'm so so sorry ((HUGS)) Last November our cat died at 14 and we adopted Catalina from the Humane Society a few months ago so we are most definitely a cat family and I agree...a cat does give a house a soul. My thoughts are with you.

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  10. Oh sweetie...I am so sorry! HUGS!! I can't imagine life without either of my furbabies...my heart hurts for you. =( I am really glad to hear that Monte is responding well to treatment though.

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  11. I am so sorry! It is never easy to lose a fur baby, especially when you love them as much as you obviously loved Indy. He was a beautiful cat, and I can tell from the pictures that he had a wonderful life with you. I'm very glad that you at least got good news about Monte responding well to the treatment. Huge hugs your way!

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  12. Oh my gosh, I teared up for you reading this. We have 3 cats, 2 of which are "mine," and I would FREAK OUT if this happened to them. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you e-hugs.

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  13. I am so so sorry for this. I understand too well, as we have lost a few cats back home in Mexico, but the last one, who had been with us since I was 15 or something, was very very hard.
    He is in cat heaven now :) and I am sure he made your baby happy by purring in your belly (you should see how white noise is like magic when it comes to making babies sleep).
    Hugs.
    (And I am glad Monte is responding well to treatment).

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  14. I am so sorry. Such a beautiful cat. You gave him a happy life and I am sorry it was cut so short. I have 2 cats and I know I will be devastated when I lose them.

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  15. I'm so sorry... We lost our cat of 6.5 years 2 years ago. I still miss her. She was awesome... I understand how you feel. I'm so glad you got great news for Monte... I wish he stays with you a long time still.

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  16. I am so sorry! What a beautiful kitty. My heart goes out to you. We have 3 cats, and they are our babies. It's so hard to lose a furbaby, as they are part of our family. Big hugs xoxo

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  17. Oh, I am so so sorry to hear this... how traumatic. I am so crazy-attached to my cat and could not fathom how upset I'd be if she got hit by a car. Did the driver not even stop?? Ugh. I only hope it was instant and poor Indy wasn't in any major pain for very long. It may have been a short life, but at least you have lots of good memories -- those photos of Indy and Monte together are just PRICELESS! So adorable.

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