Here We Are, One Year Later

We made it to one year.

For the past 365 days I have been thinking about his First Year of life. I have thought in terms of weeks, months and This Year. But I haven't thought beyond today. I just wanted to get this far. Because, honestly, when he was born, getting through this first year seemed insurmountable. I couldn't imagine being an accomplished mother to this walking, laughing, joking, one-year-old toddler boy.

But here we are.

This post could be about Owen and all the marvelous things he can do. Because he is - marvelous. And he does a lot of amazing things. But that's not what this post is about.

Or it could be about his party and all of the adorable and creative touches I put into it. And it was - beautiful and perfect. I am so proud of him and the party and all that it symbolized. But that's not what this post is about either.

This post even could be about me and how I've changed as a woman and a mother and a human being. Because I have - he has changed me in so many deep and intrinsic ways. But this post is not even about that.

Instead this post is about those first few moments of his life. Because the way he was brought into this world was so traumatic, so intense, that I can feel the memory gripping my muscles as I write this. I spent today telling him how loved he is and how excited I was to meet him one year ago. And then I nursed my baby to sleep and kissed him good night and whispered Happy Birthday. Thirty minutes later, at 8:39, was the exact moment of his birth one year ago. And I felt myself rushed back to that moment. The moments before when I was absolutely sure I was going to die. The doctors and nurses yelling, my husband crying, me feeling oddly detached and just a strange acceptance. And then...the doctor cutting me, his heartbeat dropping, the unbearable pain of the vacuum being forced in...and then the amazing, shocking feeling of him sliding out of me.

I had no idea.

I had no idea.

I want to go back and shake myself and say, Savor this. Take this all in. Look at him. Hold in. No, don't put him down even for an instant. Enjoy these first few days with him. Just the three of you, alone in that hospital room. That quiet sanctuary where you spent the first few moments with him. Because I didn't understand. I was overwhelmed, traumatized, literally in shock and shaking from the the trauma of his birth. And that makes me angry with myself for not fully savoring every second of the resounding emotion of his newborn-ness. I miss it. I want to go back and relive it.

But how could I know? How could I know that this little tiny, beautiful baby with those deep eyes would become... everything? How could I know what a year with him would do to me? How could I understand in a hospital room filled with bright lights what motherhood really is? I just...didn't know.

And so here I am, at the anniversary of his birth, remembering. Paying homage to that moment. Being grateful for the blood and the pain and the emotion that was put forth so he could come out of me and into this world. Because I didn't get it then. I didn't understand.

But now I do.

A Day In Our Life

I've wanted to do one of these for awhile. Not sure why, because I don't know if anyone else really cares about the minute details of my day, but I always enjoy reading about others', so I decided it would be fun to try it out. I chose a day when we were home all day, nothing special planned, so you could get a sense of what it's like in the glamorous life of staying home with Owen. So here goes:

6:38 - The puppies downstairs wake up all three of us an hour before Owen usually gets up. In desperation, I tried to nurse Owen back to sleep. Failure. I lie in bed while Owen plays with the cat, in complete denial that I need to get up.

7:01 - I give up. Get out of bed.

7:10 - After getting myself dressed, I carry Owen downstairs to his room and change his diaper. He screams and fights me. I give him one of the letters from his name train, which he throws on the ground. This must be why his train now only says "Ow." I put his pjs back on over his clean diaper. Then I realize we have a playdate at our house today, so the house needs to be clean. Damn.

7:14 - I plop myself onto the couch in the playroom while Owen "plays Xbox" and I check FB. I'm probably winning some Lazy Mother of the Year Award here, but I figure he's up an hour early, so what the hell.

7:36 - I peel myself off the couch and give Owen some breakfast in his high chair while I frantically clean the kitchen.

7:47- Owen is done with his blueberry waffles and bananas, so I give him a fruit puree pouch so I can quickly finish up the kitchen. Again, really Desperate Parenting here. Owen, who isn't hungry any more and doesn't like pouches, makes modern art on his high chair tray.

8:01 - I start in on folding the three loads of laundry dumped all over the couch. Owen plays happily by himself. I am repeatedly interrupted to rescue the 8 week old puppy from the 4 month old puppy. The cat cries incessantly for no reason at all.

8:13 - I give River (the bigger puppy) a bone that smells awfully like a dead animal to keep her from tormenting tiny puppy and stop stealing all of Owen's toys. I give Owen a quick hug, then contemplate giving up on the damn laundry. Cat still crying for no reason.

8:16 - I am distracted by sheer adorableness as Owen tries to catch sunbeams on the wood floor.

8:20 - Owen is fussy and bored. Probably because he got up too damn early! I ask him if he wants to fold laundry. He declines by arching his back and falling to the floor.

8:21 - B comes out and gives me the tiny puppy (Red) in exchange for taking Owen. I take Red outside to go potty, then finish laundry super quick while B has O. I briefly feel excited, then discouraged when I realize I now have to put all of the folded laundry away.

8:26 - I bring the puppy in from outside. Immediately River starts harassing him. I am ravenously hungry, so I make B and I some breakfast while he plays with Owen in the office.

8:40 - I take Owen into his nursery to play while I eat my toast. Owen immediately steals some of mommy's toast. I watch him pull a piece out of his mouth, look at it, then put it back in. I wish this were acceptable behavior for adults.

8:44 - my mom calls on the phone.

8:50 - 2nd poopy diaper of the day. I finally get the baby dressed. He cries whole time in extreme protest.

8:57- I step in puppy poop on the floor and then almost fall on water River spilled from her water dish while going to clean up the poop. I drop Owen with B for a second so I can run to the bathroom. I realize this downstairs bathroom is out of toilet paper. I hear Owen fussing through the door. Grrr...woke up too early!

9:10 - We go play in the playroom. Exciting games like, "Let's take the necklace on and off over and over again!" Owen and River then play nicely together with a cat toy. I am amazed to see that Owen can correctly point to "Mickey's eyes" and "Mickey's nose" at least 80% of the time. He is a genius!

9:41 - I decide to give up on our one-nap schedule and take Owen up for an early "first nap" because he is so fussy.

9:54 - After a brief nursing session, Owen seems completely revived by breastmilk and boobtime. Give up on naptime. Back to playroom. The puppies are playing nicely together for once.

10:11 - The highlight of my day...my sister arrives with Starbucks! No pic. I drank it.

10:30 - The dog trainer from the Invisible Fence company shows up to train River on "How Not To Be Shocked By the Invisible Fence."

11:15 - I contact my business partner and make final decisions about our logo and business cards. Yay!

11:30 The mail arrives. I unpack one of Owen's birthday presents. He notices, points, and says "Ooooo!!" I crumble, and give him his present a month early. I cry watching him play with such a grown up toy. A toy that is for his 1st birthday. A toy I picked out for him and he is now obsessed with.

11:50 - Ok, damnit, it's nap time. I have to wrestle the toy away from him. All out tantrum ensues.

12:00 - I turn on soft music, get in bed with him, and read him stories while we cuddle. The tantrum moment turned into a sweet moment. He is asleep ten minutes later.

1:27 - I waste the whole nap time on relaxing things like eating lunch, playing on my phone, and reading my book. I feel happy and content and the cat sits and purrs on my feet. In other words, I get nothing done.

2:00 - Owen wakes up. I put him in his highchair and feed him lunch while I frantically (again) finish cleaning.

2:30 - Mom friend and her baby arrive for playdate.

4:09 - Guests leave and Owen goes to socialize with his daddy and auntie in the office.

4:28 - Snack time.

4:54 - It's cooled off enough to go outside. Owen, River and I go out and enjoy the backyard. We play with the water table, play with sticks, and all around get dirty. I vacillate between feeling so happy my son is playing in nature and being on alert for all possible dangers (snakes! sharp rocks! little rocks to eat!).

5:26 - Our furniture gets delivered from Ethan Allen!

5:57 - Owen briefly nurses. He's really ready to drop feedings.

6:10 - I start chopping garlic for dinner.

6:15 - B comes out and asks if I want to go on a walk. We load up baby and puppies for a short neighborhood walk.

6:42 - Back to chopping veggies.

7:10 - Dinner time. Owen avoids everything but fruit. As usual.

7:36 - B takes Owen for a bath. The pets are fed, dinner is put away, I have nothing to do but relax.

8:03 - I nurse Owen in his nursery.

8:15 - He's asleep.

8:29 - The best part of my evening. I have a big glass of wine, Grey's Anatomy, a bag of candy corn, puppy in lap, and a husband to cuddle with. Heaven.

10:00 - I get into bed to put this blog post together.

10:41 - Good night!

Just A Kid

Before I had a baby I had all sorts of thoughts about parenthood that I would never say out loud. Things like, "Oh well, she's just a stay at home mom..." or "He's just a kid, nothing special..." I didn't mean anything hurtful, I just didn't put a whole lot of stock into pictures of other people's kids or the importance of "little things," like a toddler learning how to run. No big deal if your children just learned how to do a cute little dance....'Cus you know, he's "just a kid."

I knew I would love my child and I knew I would love being a mom. But I had NO idea how much it would take my silly, stupid little thoughts and crush them into a million pieces. There is no such thing as "just a kid." Because for every kid, there is a mom. A mom who loves the curve of his neck. A mom who watches him sleep. A mom who devours every little thought he has. He cannot possibly be "just a kid." He is so much more. His eyelashes tell her stories. His smiles gift her his happiness. His tiny hands paint beauty into her tired face. His nonchalance as he plops into her lap teaches her contented stillness.

This is not "just a kid." At least, not to her.

Slow Learner Mom

A few months back, my Dad said something to me that I just couldn't get out of my head.

"You know, you've really become comfortable in your role as a mother. In the beginning, I wasn't sure, but now I see how comfortable you are in that role."

I realize he meant this as a kind observation, but my analytical, negative mind just couldn't avoid noting the connotation that, in the beginning, he wasn't sure. So I asked my sister: what did she think? She said, "Well, you know, the beginning is hard for everyone..." Hmm. That sounds like an elusive way of saying I was a hot mess. I asked my husband, who said, "Well you always knew the baby-stage would be hard for you. I just think it was harder on you than on me. But now you're doing awesome."

Wait. What? So did everyone think I was a complete failure during the first months of my baby's life?

I think back on those first six weeks. To say they were "a blur" sounds cliche, but it's true. I don't remember what I thought, what I did, what I wore, what the baby wore, what the weather was like...it was a blur. I had just had an extremely traumatic birth and then was struggling intensely with breastfeeding. I was in tears more often than not and was doing my best to suddenly be a mom. Was I doing the best job I could do? If I'm honest, no...not really. I was just getting through it. I was holding him. I was changing him. I was talking to him. I was nursing him through bleeding nipples. So, yeah, I kept him alive. And I loved him. I loved him because he was our baby and he was a miracle and his little eyes pierced into my soul. But was I doing the BEST JOB I could do? Was I cooing over him in amazement every second? Was I overwhelmed with happiness from everything that he did? Was I delighting in hold him every single second?

Deep breath. I'm going to be totally honest. The answer to these questions is No. In the first six weeks, I was just getting through. Getting through by the skin of my teeth. Nursing him with my teeth gritted in pain and then passing him off to sleep in his swing so I could...I don't know, breathe? Try to process what had just happened to my life? And typing these words makes me want to instantly delete them because doesn't that mean I'm not a Good Mother? But I'm not going to delete them. It's what I felt. I look back on his newborn pictures and I am amazed by him and I melt in love and adoration, but deep down, there is a guilty feeling because...I hardly remember those days. Like I said, it's a goddamn blur.

After the first six weeks, it got better. The pain of breastfeeding subsided. The trauma of the birth faded somewhat. And I fell more and more in love with him. Now I did cherish every second of holding of him. I stroked his head in amazement while he napped on my chest. All of that new-baby-stuff that for the first six weeks didn't happen as much as it should have in the first six weeks because I was a catatonic invalid.

But was I a Good Mother in the first six months? Well the truth is, back then, I was still resenting the role somewhat. I had decided to be a stay at home mom. I was lonely. I hated housecleaning. I hated not getting dressed in real clothes or not having the time to take a shower. I felt jealous of people who could have "time to themselves." So even though I was completely in love with my baby and I was giving him everything he needed and more, I still couldn't wear the Mother Role with ease.

After those first six months, the shoe fit. Now, a month away from one year, the shoe is like a second skin. So ask me now if I'm a Good Mother? The answer is HELL YES.

But in the beginning? Truth be told? I was just doing the goddamn best I could. I think what my family was gently trying to say is, the role didn't come as easily to me as it does to some. I wasn't able to jump in selflessly. Instead I blearily had to find my way around and then figure out how to be this new person without feeling angry about the things I was giving up. And don't get me wrong. I wasn't resenting my baby. I wasn't doing anything wrong and he wasn't lacking in any way. In fact, if you were watching from the outside, you would say I was doing it all right. But, that little elusive thing that my family all noticed was...I think I just had a bit of a slower learning curve than some.

So, to all you Slow Learner Mom's out there - It's ok. Do the best you can. Love your babies. Love yourself. Give them what they need. And ask for what you need too. Figure out how to be the Mom you are. And don't hate yourself if it doesn't come to you immediately.

Introducing the New to the Old

Out of the blue...here is a random post from me to you:

We went to Los Angeles last week and stayed the night. We stayed only a few blocks from our old house. We've been gone six months now and I was shaken by that brush with the Old Me. Before we moved to San Diego, I was still straddling two worlds. I was reeling from the shift to mommyhood and the introduction of this entirely new being into our world. BUT I was prepared to go back to work and try to integrate. Instead, we up and moved and I completely left the Old Me behind. When we drove into LA, I didn't expect to miss her so much.

The Old Me worked hard - 60+ hours a week - and loved it. She was a Psychologist. That was first and foremost in her identity. Followed closely by Wife. She lived mostly for herself, then husband, then family, then friends. That order. She was "put together." Each morning she would slide into her Range Rover, check her makeup, hair and outfit in the mirror, throw her expensive bag on the (clean!) seat beside her, flip on NPR, sip her coffee and take off for her hour commute to work. Once arrived at work, she would slide into her "Doctor" role and feel happy with where she was in life. On the evenings and weekends she would enjoy good wine and expensive restaurants. Peppered throughout...fun vacations and gorgeous hotels. But oh my god, it was a lot of work. Literally. Work, work, work, GASP for air, more work. FUN, fun, fun and then more work. I felt like I was waiting. I was always dreaming about what Life Would Be in the future. Planning and dreaming about something else.

I didn't expect to miss some of this. But I did. I missed feeling pretty and put together. I missed being a therapist/teacher/mentor/doctor. I miss helping my clients and their families. I missed long dinners and enjoying bottles of wine. Or hours spent talking with friends. I guess, to be honest, I missed life being about Me.

I also missed the excitement. The hoping and waiting and planning. I remember when we lived at our house in Venice that I spent most of the time there either being excited about my job or being excited about getting pregnant or being excited about Baby coming. Always living in the possibilities of the future. Planning my career. Planning how to become a mother. Planning the nursery. Planning, dreaming, waiting... It was exciting!

But now? The New Me is (obviously) different. The New Me lives for Baby, Husband, Me, family, and sometimes friends. The New Me slides into the same Range Rover that is covered now in a layer of dirt from the dusty roads we live on. I drop my new bag (anniversary gift) that is a slightly less expensive purse/diaper bag onto a seat littered with diapers, puffs, and old coffee lids. I am usually heading to a playdate, grocery store, or park. I have nowhere specific to be. I don't check myself in the mirror because...why would I? I am not a doctor/teacher/mentor to students, but I am a mommy/teacher/guide to my son. I have finally figured out how to wear this role with no awkwardness, resentment, or frustration. My sidekick comes with me in life and he keeps me grounded in the Now.

I don't plan anymore. I am living my dreams. Literally. We bought a house. A beautiful, Spanish-style home with dark floors, white walls, and Mexican tile touches. We have two acres of land, fencing for horses in my future, beautiful oak trees, a wonderful neighborhood and a beautiful pool surrounded by palm trees. We have our cat, a new German Shepherd Puppy, and another puppy on the way. We take our family for walks in the evening when the heat melts into warmth and I don't worry or stress. I just live this moment.

So yes. I am happy. I am settled. I am content. I am no longer living in a desperate race to work hard and get ahead and get to the next step. But that doesn't mean I don't miss it sometimes. That doesn't mean I don't miss having my hair styled and my eyebrows waxed and my toenails painted and....well, the Old Me. But I know that the Old Me was really just rushing to meet New Me. So, Hello New Me. Introduce yourself to the world.

And how do I know she's around to stay? Well because, as Owen approaches one year (Ahhh!), I am working to integrate in small bits of the Old Me that I miss. I have started horseback riding again and now know that I will own my own horses when the time is right. I have found a business partner, rented a space in a medical complex, and am going to open my own small therapy and assessment practice part time. They say that we shouldn't rush the return from postpartum. With all the pressure to "bounce back in six weeks," I think we forget that this is not just about a physical recovery or even an adjustment to motherhood. I believe it will take me a year to completely figure out who I want to be now. Who I can be within the realm of this new life. And also, it has taken me almost a year and a bit of retrospection to appreciate all that the New Me has to offer. I guess sometimes you need a brush with the Old just to say Hello.

And that's my update. Hope you all are well!

The Other Side

I just realized I’m guilty. I’m guilty of posting about the “good things.” I’m one of those moms who posts the adorable pictures and the precious moments and paints the bland picture of happiness to my readers. So tonight I’m posting just a few sentences to say -

Being a parent is hard. It leeches you of your energy and your freedom and your sense of control and spits you back out gasping for air. Being a stay at home mom is hard. It steals away the identity you spent years molding and leaves you feeling lost. All of this is hard. You try to retain some semblance of you by showering every few days or trying to remember to put on some moisturizer; but frankly, it’s a bit of a façade.

It just is. Really fucking hard. Really exhausting. Really shattering.

Each day, each week, each month. I am tired, I am lonely, I am sad.

And I am in love, in love, in love.

So that’s that. Just wanted to point out the other side.

Babywearing: From A Beginner's Perspective

Time for a purely informational post. If you’re not interested in the topic, pass on by. I’m writing it because little ol’ pregnant me stumbled across a few random blog posts on Babywearing and they were helpful, so maybe someone will find this helpful as well.

When I was about five months pregnant I went to Disneyland with a mom of a two month old baby. I had no idea what she would do at DL with a two month old baby. But when we got there, I hardly ever saw her. She was wrapped up in a Moby Wrap the entire day. I was impressed. I was intrigued. I was a bit intimidated. But I knew I needed one.

Little did I know, I would become obsessed with Babywearing. There are lots of reasons people fall in love with Babywearing. Skin to skin contact, nursing, chasing older children around, comforting a sick or teething baby, helping your baby to sleep, or just…getting some stuff done around the house! For me, I was “blessed” with a very active, mobile baby. A baby who is not easily entertained and was never happy with sitting in a swing, staring at a mobile, or just…chilling. He also is not a cuddly baby. He loves people and is very social, but cuddles require him to sit still and…well, you get the idea. Unless, I found, I was wearing him. When wearing my baby, he is soft and warm and cuddly and still and content. And lately, during his phase of trying to cruise around the furniture, when I am wearing him, he is safe.. And so, I am in love. I have bought way too many baby carriers and am a bit embarrassed by my obsession, but it is what it is. I am sold.

Oh, I should also mention that Owen never loved being in the stroller. I remember many walks where I would be pushing the stroller and carrying a crying baby. Not fun. Later we progressed to pushing a stroller and wearing a baby. Improvement? Now that he is older, he will sit in the stroller because he is able to sit up and look around, or entertain himself with a toy. But in the beginning…babywearing saved me.

It didn’t start out as love. Remember my friend with the Moby Wrap? I originally had a Moby Wrap and a Beco Gemini on my Registry. The first time I tried the Moby was a disaster. Screaming baby and all. And the Beco? Well, I look back at early pictures and realize I was wearing him much too low, in an awkward, dangly position. In fact, when looking for photos for this post I found early photos of how I wrapped him that made me cringe in embarrassment. But hey, we all start somewhere.

So I am going to take you on a short journey of what I have learned. I am by no means an expert. What I have learned I have learned through a million Youtube videos, a bunch of Babywearing Meetups, and hours of practice. I still would call myself a beginner compared to a lot of Mamas out there. But here goes….

I will start with a basic run down of safety and how-to’s and then run you through my experience with each type of carrier.

Safety

First, I should say, there is a lot of controversy regarding “good” or “safe” babywearing and the “not ergonomically correct” babywearing. I think we need to distinguish between which rules are really about “safety” and which are more about comfort. As long as your baby is really “safe,” then you can get all of the benefits of babywearing in a $20 carrier that you can get in a $500 carrier (or $1000…or $2000…yes they exist!). So, let’s not get carried away here…That being said, here are some good rules of thumb to follow.

First, you should always follow the TICKS rules. 1) Wrap baby tightly against your body. And yes, I mean tightly. It honestly feels better for you and baby if he is wrapped tightly against you. You will often find your baby will stop crying or fussing if you just tighten your carrier. 2) Keeping baby in view comes from those “bag style” baby pouches in which the fabric wraps up around baby like a cocoon. Not safe. 3) Close enough to kiss is one that I really messed up on in the beginning. My baby would be dangling down near my waist. This is because I wasn’t tightening enough to get him high enough. Not as comfy, believe me. 4) Keep chin off chest. This is extremely important. You don’t want your baby’s chin to be compressed or pointed down to his chest. It should be tilted up to allow him a clear airway. 5) Supported back. An ergonomic baby carrier allows baby’s back to round naturally, yet be supported comfortably.

Finally, you hear a lot about “the seat” in a good baby carrier. There is some research to back this up, but I am not sure it is really as serious as some fanatics will tell you. In other words, some people will tell you if you don’t have the right seat, your baby can develop hip dysplasia. Actually, based on what I’ve read, this isn’t the case as much as, if your baby is already at risk for hip problems, then a good seat is critical. Otherwise, we’re really talking about comfort here. SO…what is a good seat? A good seat is visually represented by an “M” position, meaning baby’s knees should be higher than his bottom and his bottom actually sinks down into the fabric. The fabric should extend from one knee to the other, fully supporting his bottom.

Other than that, just make sure the carriers you buy are bought from a safe source, so that you know the seams are reinforced and strong, etc, etc. Be sure if you are trying something new that you always have a spotter and always ask questions if something doesn’t feel right!

Ok, safety out of the way, let me tell you about the carriers!

Stretchy Wraps

This is where I started. A Moby Wrap is a typical example of a Stretchy Wrap, as is a K-Tan or a Boba. I think a lot of people end up buying these and then having absolutely no idea what to do with them. As in, what do I do with all of this material?? I think I would have given up if not for witnessing the babywearing magic at Disneyland. Stretchy wraps are known for being excellent for newborns. They are soft, t-shirt like cotton that allows you to pre-wrap your fabric and then slide your baby in. Once I got the hang of the stretchy wrap, I used it a lot with Owen. I especially loved nursing him in it back when he was a constant nurser in the newborn stage. My biggest mistake with the Moby was not wrapping it tight enough or high enough, meaning he usually ended up much too low. Stretchy wraps are noted for not being good as babies grow bigger because, well, they stretch. This contributed to Owen being too low as he got closer to 15 lbs. I think I stopped using it right around 15 lbs or so.

Soft Structured Carriers

Soft Structured Carriers are what most people think of when they think of baby carriers or baby backpacks. They do not have any metal or frames as you would find in a hiking backpack, making them soft, but structured. Typical SSCs include Ergo, Beco, Boba, etc. Baby Bjorns also fall into this category, but they don’t allow for the proper M-shaped seat, so some babywearers won’t buy a Bjorn.

I started with the Beco Gemini. I picked it because it allows you to face inward, face forward, put baby on your hip, or on your back. Also, it doesn’t need an infant insert like the Ergo, so you can use it right away. I loved my Beco. It was great. I used it for front facing (facing in toward me) and on my back. It was easy to use and my “go-to” for walks or when I needed something easier than the Moby. For a while, putting Owen in the Beco was my go-to for getting him down for naps as well.

Just a month or so ago, I decided Owen had outgrown the Beco. It probably would have been just fine for quite some time still (he was around 18 lbs), but with his long legs, they had begun to dangle somewhat as the carrier didn’t reach to his knees anymore. Again, just fine…but not as comfy or supported.

Conveniently, this coincided with me wanting to buy another SSC – go figure, huh? After moving to San Diego, I discovered Tula Carriers (made here in San Diego) and fell in love after trying one on. What can I say? They really are so, so much more comfortable! Owen just seems to mold into my body (either on front or back) and I hardly feel him at all, even when hiking up a mountain with 19 lbs of him on my back. The canvas is soft and moldable, supporting him, but not clunky. Plus, it’s super cute!

Tula also makes carriers that are constructed out of hand woven wrap material, which I would die for, but they are highly sought after, super expensive, and hard to get your hands on. Imagine thousands of mommies trying to vie for a chance to buy a $500 carrier. Seriously.

Ring Slings

After the Moby and the Beco Gemini, I then decided to buy a Ring Sling. I wanted something easy to just pop him into when going from the car to the store or just a quick walk to the coffee shop. I also liked the idea that I could wear him facing outward (kangaroo or Buddha carry) as he always wanted to be looking around. So I bought a Maya Wrap Ring Sling. I still use mine today. It is on the “cheaper” end of things as Ring Slings go and I may someday invest in a more expensive one (softer, stronger fabric), but for now the Maya works really well. Ring Slings are known to be good for newborns or older babies. Not so much in between. For newborns, they allow for an easy, close carry that allows you to pop baby in and out and snuggle them close. For older babies (like Owen’s age up to age 2), you can wear them on your hip. You know, like we carry our babies anyhow, but with added support. The “in between” stage where your baby is not quite a newborn but doesn’t have enough back support to sit on your hip isn’t the best stage for a wiggly baby to sit in a ring sling. We’re just getting back to where I love using it for running errands because he can sit in the sling, but still be involved in grabbing things and socializing with people as we walk about.

Woven Wraps

Ahhhh woven wraps. There could be multiple blog posts about wrapping and so I will just barely scratch the surface here. Let me just say that I love my wraps, but am definitely still a beginner so I will not try to give advice in this area. Let me just tell you my experience…

When the Moby began to get too stretchy, I had just begun to really enjoy wrapping Owen. I had also learned about hand woven wraps and saw how absolutely beautiful they were. Because of the way they are woven, these wraps are stronger and allow you to do more types of carries (i.e., back carries) and carry bigger children (up to preschoolers). There is a huge range in terms of price, quality, and fabric choices. I won’t even begin to get into allow of this. If you’re interested, start googling…

I ended up with two Wraps. I chose in terms of availability (some wraps are extremely hard to find because so few were ever made), price (I wanted to stay under $150 per wrap) and beauty (I love the vibrant blues). I ended up with two made by the same company (Girasol) and both are 100% cotton. Now, these wraps are said to not carry bigger babies as well, so there is a chance I may need to invest in a stronger fabric (linen blend perhaps) if I want to keep wrapping Owen as he grows.

But for now, I love them. Both are super soft and beautiful. I have a size 6 and a size 4, as you can do different carries with different sizes. Here are some of the carries I have learned (or am still working on!)

There really is so much you can do with a wrap. And, if you are good, you really shouldn’t need any other type of carrier. Experts wrap so quickly and efficiently and there is a different carry for every need. Need something quick and easy? Pop them on your hip? Need to cuddle a teething baby? Wrap them on your front. Need them out of your way? Slide them on your back.

For me, I usually only wrap when I’m at home, or if I want him to take a nap when we’re out in public. A wrap is guaranteed to put him to sleep. Note: This can be a good thing or a bad thing if you are trying to train a baby to sleep in his crib on a schedule!! I’ve just gotten to the point where I am learning different back carries, and believe me, they are hard. But, when he is wrapped correctly, a back carry is oh-so-neat. He feels weightless, yet close. High up enough to look over your shoulder at everything you are doing, and get out of the way so you are hands free. Plus, it just looks SO cool!

Mei Tais

Mei tais are Asian-style carriers that are sort of a cross between a structured carrier and a wrap. I bought one (I told you I am addicted!) when I was deciding whether or not to get another wrap or not. Instead, I bought a Mei Tai that is made from wrap fabric, giving you the best of both worlds. I really like my Mei Tai. It is easier than a wrap, yet softer and more adjustable than a SSC. Plus, it is pretty like a wrap! But, to be honest, I have to remind myself to use it. It is not as easy as a Ring Sling or a SSC when you are out running errands, and not as cuddly and soft as a wrap for a fussy baby. Also, I find it just as hard as wrapping a back-carry, so usually ask a spotter for help for getting him up on my back. That being said, I use it most for things like house cleaning or gardening.

And…there you have it. If you’ve read this far it’s because you probably have some interest or curiosity about babywearing. Or you are just amazed by my obsession. Believe me, it can be an addiction. I think whether or not you fall off the deep end (like me) depends on your type of baby. For Owen and I, it just “fit.” Given that I could never put him down and he’d be content in a swing/jumper/crib/etc, this allowed me snuggly time and time to get things done. The need and purpose of wearing your baby changes over time. You hear people say, “Oh, my baby hates being worn,” but I think that is also something that changes over time. If you get them used to it (may take a few times out on a walk) early on, then as they grow they also are used to being worn as part of routine. Babies who are used to being on mommy’s back can actually be worn up till around age 3 (yes, really!). Also, don’t feel overwhelmed by this post. Babywearing doesn’t have to be complicated. Just buy yourself an Ergo (or Tula!!) and try it out.

Happy Babywearing!