Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Post-Holiday Haze

So I haven't posted for awhile due to the Holiday craziness. But it's been craziness in a good way. We threw our dog and cat into our car and drove from southern California to Oregon and then over to Montana. Wow. It's been hectic. But it's been really nice to be with family and be back "home."

Here's a quick photo update:

Drove through torrential blizzards in my new car, which proved it's worth very nicely.

Stopped in Napa Valley along the way and drank a lot of wine and joined two more wine clubs (oops!). This photo is of Chateau Montelena from the movie Bottleshock.

Christmas #1

First Christmas was at my Mom's house in Oregon. I feel most "at home" here, because well, she's my mom :) We opened presents with my mom, my aunt, and my two cousins who are more like my two younger sisters. This was nice and relaxed and I wish I had a few more days there.

In Oregon, I got my Christmas present from my husband. A Marc Jacobs briefcase/bag for work. I was blown away. It is beautiful and extravagant and I love it. It made me feel so special.

Christmas #2
Spent Christmas Eve at my Dad's house with his wife and her kids. This was really nice too. My husband and I feel so comfortable here and get along so well with everyone and we went through about 5 bottles of wine from Napa. Not too shabby.

Christmas #3

Christmas #3 was at my sister-in-law's house with her kids and my in-laws. This was probably the least "homey" for me, and I was a little Christmas-ed out at that point. But it was still a very nice day with a beautiful Christmas dinner.

Now, day after Christmas, I'm lazing around at my Dad's house, relaxing by the fire. Amidst all of the craziness, I feel like I haven't even had a chance to think about this Cycle of trying. Family members keep asking about it (they all somehow know we're trying) and I had a nice conversation with my sister-in-law and what it was like for her and how it took her 5 months with her first baby. I've been temping still, but my temps may be a little more erratic due to random sleep cycles, weird beds, dog waking me up, etc etc. I'm on CD10 and I'm hoping to ovulate on CD15 (New Year's Eve). For two reasons....first, I'd like to be able to celebrate with some drinks with my good friends in Sacramento. Two, I think it sounds fortuitous to ovulate on New Year's Eve ;)

Well that's it for now. It's been a whirlwind and we're all tired out and happily recovering :)

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Ha, Ha, Ha....

Ok, so in light of my recent craziness, I just wanted to repost a picture that I previously posted when I fell ill with the same craziness the first time I was waiting to ovulate. I think this illness could be diagnosed as Hypersensitivy/Hyperemotionality Disorder. So, nothing to update you on. Just wanted to share this (again).

Seems appropriate.

Monday, December 17, 2012


"It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife."

As soon as I posted the previous post, I started my period. I guess I took my own advice. Move on. Get over it.

Somehow, I feel better.

Waiting to Fall

I'm writing this, but I'm not sure I'm going to post this. At least, not yet. The reason is, I'm teetering on the edge. Edge of what, you might ask? I think the edge of insanity?

But first I have to admit something. There is a well-known phenomenon in psychology called social referencing. This is where we compare ourselves to others to either feel good about our selves (as in - "At least I remembered not to tuck my skirt into my underwear today. I am looking good.") or to pressure ourselves to do better (as in - "Damn how does she get all of that done and still seem so put together?? Maybe I should at least wash my face and pay my library fines."). Social referencing can make you seem, well, a little bitchy. And I have to admit that I am guilty of a little bitchiness. Not intentionally, but out of fear. When I first stated reading the TTC forums I did some downward social referencing. Things like, "Well I will never get THAT crazy!" and "I will never over-analyze THAT that dramatically" and "Oh, ok, get over it, you're getting your period. Accept it and move on."

See? Bitchy, right?

But it honestly came out of fear...out of a hope that I could distance myself from that pain that drives us to cling so desperately to a hope. And now? I have completely gone off the deep end. Seriously.

I have every imaginable sign that my period is starting. My temp has dropped below coverline, I have brown-tinged CM, and I am moody as hell. And yet, here I am, googling symptoms, hoping, wishing, ignoring reason... Basically, obsessing and over-analyzing dramatically. Now there is no more downward social referencing. I've dropped into the pits.

So, looking up from these pits of craziness, I am waiting to post this blog entry in the hopes that...what? My period won't start today? It wont' start tomorrow? That I'm pregnant? I feel so silly writing that. I know at this that I'm not pregnant. It's so absolutely crazy. I feel like I'm hanging onto a cliff just hoping there is a net down there to catch me when I fall.

Let's hope we all have some safety nets, huh?

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Starting to Feel It

So far, I would say this whole trying-to-make-a-baby thing has been fun. I've been in the happy, excited bliss of just getting started. But today, I glimpsed a tiny bit of the emotional roller coaster that must be after months and months of trying. In fact, I glimpsed just enough to know to I can't even begin to comprehend it nor understand how women keep going month after month. To those of you out there, you have my respect and awe.

Why do I say this, you might ask? Because I took my first pregnancy test. I just couldn't help myself. I was so worried my temp would drop today that, when it didn't, I ran into the bathroom and peed on a stick. An expensive plastic stick. Negative, of course. At 11DPO. What else was I expecting? Well, obviously, you can imagine what I was hoping. Anyhow, that was sad, but still, just a blip. I was ok after that, if feeling a little silly. But then I started to have some spotting today, the day before my suspected period. According to Occam's theory, we can deduce that the simplest explanation would be that my period will show up like clockwork tomorrow. Ok, even that I can accept.

It's just that...well, now everything seems grayer. And I have to re-adjust my expectations of what the holidays will be, and...and...and...Damn.

WAIT! Oh god, I'm doing it! Doing what I see so many women do on the forums. "Oh I tested today at 5DPO and it was negative, so I must be out this month. Oh no, how sad." Ha. Wow, calm down lady. Don't count yourself out until you're out. And don't be so damn dramatic. BUT, I get it. From the bottom of my heart, I get it. I foolishly announced my hopes to the blog world and all of six (two? three?) people may have read it and now here I am saying, "Ooops, just kidding. This month is the same as last month."

But, I guess, I'm still on the ride, so I'll just hold on and wait until it starts over again. Can I just fast forward to tomorrow?

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Time Will Tell....

So I'm on 10DPO and things are looking good. But I'm anxious to see what will happen tomorrow because last cycle on 11DPO, my temp dropped and I started cramping and then my period came the next day. If I can just make it through a few more days without my temp dropping, at least that will mean my LP is lengthening, which is a good thing.

This cycle has been different for me. It really feels like my "first" cycle. Last month I was still recovering from appendix surgery and the whole two weeks were a blur. I remember thinking, "Well this isn't so bad, I'm already at 9DPO and I barely noticed." Ha. This time I've let myself get my hopes up (Beginner's Mistake??) and I've even whispered to myself a few times "I think I'm pregnant." Which, in a few days, I'm sure I'll feel pretty silly about admitting that to all of you (three? four?) readers out there.

I promised myself I wouldn't start symptom-spotting and, if I did, that I wouldn't write about it on my blog, I go. This morning we went out for Mexican for breakfast. I immediately said that their salsa tasted different - more bland. Then I said that my mineral water with lime tasted like tap water. And pretty much my whole meal nothing much at all. My husband thought I was crazy. Especially when I pointed out that maybe it was a weird, freaky pregnancy symptom. *sigh* Yeah right, or it could just be the fact that I have a snuffy nose that is messing with my sense of smell and taste.

Either way, I'm having a happy day. Ran errands with my husband and barely started Christmas shopping. As soon as I finish this post I am about to go make good friends with Amazon to shop some more. How is everyone else doing? Done shopping? Presents wrapped? If so, I hate you. ;)

Thursday, December 13, 2012

If I'm Not Pregnant...

I have started thinking in sentences that start with either "If I'm pregnant..." or "If I'm not pregnant..." I decided to dedicate this post to a list of things I will do if I'm NOT pregnant in January. Don't ask me why...maybe to have something to look forward to on the darker side of the coin? Maybe just...because? Probably just to let out these thoughts rattling around in my brain that no one really cares to hear but me. So, if you're unfortunate enough to be reading this self-indulgent post, skip ahead to the next one. There's plenty of self-indulgence to choose from.

If I'm NOT Pregnant In January, I Will....

....start up with horseback riding again. I took December off, in deference to my crazy, crazy schedule. But I'm missing it physically and emotionally. I need to get back up to the barn. To the peace, comfort and physical challenge.
...go back on Weight Watchers. Seriously, how cliche! But honestly, horseback riding isn't the only thing I've let slide this month! In fact, ironically, I let my online subscription lapse JUST before Thanksgiving. Oops. That makes it the first time in four years that I haven't had an online membership to WW, so I could at least pretend I was monitoring what I eat.
...get a massage! I've heard/read mixed opinions on prenatal massage, but the take home message that it doesn't seem to be a good idea in the first Trimester. Anyone know anything about this? It's big on my list of Things to Ask a Doctor.
...get a Brazilian wax. Yet another appointment I haven't had time to make. Too much info for you? Too bad. I need to visit my esthetician. Do people DO that while they're pregnant? Seems odd.
...DRINK SOME WINE!!! You were waiting for it, weren't you? Come on, by know you should know I have a little bit of an addiction.

Oh, and one thing that should go on my If I'm Not Pregnant in February list is....ENJOY MEXICO the way it's supposed to enjoyed!! No avoiding massages, alcohol, food...anything.

And what, you may ask, will I do If I AM Pregnant in January?? Well, that list is much, much longer. But it starts with PANIC and CELEBRATE! :)

Oh and a quick Cycle Update:
I'm on 8DPO and nothing much is happening. I am trying to not drive myself crazy with symptom spotting that I know is just craziness. For example, should I freak out and start celebrating because I had a painful twinge and a temp dip on 7DPO? No, I should stay calm and just wait. Wait, wait, wait. My main goal for this cycle (aside from the OBVIOUS) is that I will extend my LP to 13 or 14 days, instead of 11. We'll see!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Embracing the Moment

I’m focusing on mindfulness and contentment today. In more ways than one. Mindfulness is a concept that psychology stole from Buddhism, simplified it, and called it its own. Basically, according to 3rd-wave psychologists, Mindfulness is the art of being in the moment such that you truly exist in the now without judging your physical or emotional experiences in this moment. You are supposed to envision your mind like a Teflon pan and whatever hits you, just slides right off, without judgment or pain. For example, ”Oh shit, I forgot to call so-and-so back to make that appointment!” The thought comes, enters your mind, and slides away, without a scratch on your emotional state. Mindfulness is also about appreciation. Appreciating the sip of caramel-vanila tea on my tongue, appreciating the sunlight on the ugly skyscraper out of my office window, or simple basic things like enjoying sitting with bare feet under my desk.

So basically, find your peace and accept it. Non-judgementally.

I am NOT very good at Mindfulness. I am always rushing, rushing for the next experience. Or second guessing the one I am currently having. Or worrying about what is going to happen in the future. Or, or, or….

I feel guilty about my moments of mindfulness. Like, taking the time to write this blog while I should be working. Guilt. But then my rational mind argues that I have been working straight through since 8:30 this morning and will continue until 8:00 tonight, with only a five minute break for my lunch. Um, damnit…I deserve a few minutes to drink my tea and contemplate mindfulness.

Today I was worrying about the fact that getting pregnant will stop me from doing one of my favorite things in the world (besides drinking wine!!) – traveling. My husband is always quick to remind me that, if I love it that much, it doesn’t mean we need to stop, it will just slow down. I know he’s right…but I get this grasping fear that I am missing out on something. Oh no! I STILL haven’t made it to Italy (my #1 location) or The Galapagos or Ireland or….. But damnit, that is not being mindful. It is the opposite of mindfulness (and Buddhism) to overload yourself with wants and desires, rather than appreciating what is in front of you. And so, I remind myself that eating pasta in Italy must be amazing, but so is holding your baby in your arms. There is mindfulness on a day-to-day basis. Such as, don’t worry about how much I have to do tomorrow, just focus on getting through the next four hours. OR, better yet, focus on right now, my fingers typing these words. And then there is mindfulness on another level. Accept where I am in my life. Accept it so I can happily embrace it.

That is not the same thing as ignoring your wants and desires, by the way. If I ignored the fact that impending motherhood meant cutting back on my dreams of traveling, then I would have other feelings pop up…Resentment? Anxiety? Frustration? So rather, I look at what I am letting go and, nonjudgmentally, let it slide away. You can’t hold two things in one hand. So, right now, I’m focused on this new dream 

And….back to the right now…I am trying to NOT focus on the next week of hell at work before vacation and the many late nights of working at home AND the fact that I have to get through this TWW to see how close I am to that new dream…I am going to just…BE.

Oh, and I am going to enjoy these beautiful flowers that my husband sent me because he feels bad for how hard I’m working. Damn, it’s easy to mediate on such a sweet sentiment, isn’t it?

Funny thing. The second I completed this post, my office phone rang. It was the secretary letting me know my next appointment is here. Ok, enough Buddhism, BACK TO WORK!

Monday, December 10, 2012

Crossing Off the Days....

Every morning at work I cross off the days on my calendar as they tick by. This morning, when I crossed them off, I noticed that, since I have also crossed off the days of my vacation, all that is left is a nice little countdown to test day. Kinda funny. Staring me in the face at work. Cross one day off at a time, huh?

My temp jumped up this morning, which was exciting, but then I realized it could just as easily be explained by the fact that I got no sleep at all last night due to the fact that my dog was whining and crying all night. No idea what was up with that. Anyhow, would like to say the temp rise is a good sign, not a sign of sleep deprivation, but who knows?

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Pregnant Fashionista?

I went shopping today at BCBG (a store usually beyond my means, but thanks to my hubby for my birthday gift certificate!) and realized that I was picking out clothes that could work as "pregnant clothes." I bought one long, flowing, color-blocked shirt and another enormous, thick sweater. The kind that are meant to be worn with leggings. Am I crazy or are the fashions right now just made for pregnant woman? I mean seriously, leggings and giant tops? Awesome. Then I bought one beautiful, super-expensive, royal blue, transparent, button-up top that was just...because. Totally NOT pregnancy clothes. Totally more than I should spend on a shirt. But it made my hair shine blonder than normal and my eyes pop and the transparency is sexy in a classy way. Thanks to my sister for making me buy that one :)

Hey LooK! This could be me!! Sweater, leggings, boots...I got it all! Just no pregnant belly or weird little hat.

I'm having a hard time with my "first" two week wait. I keep staring at my chart and hoping to fast-forward the days to the 19th. I chose the 19th to test because it will be 14DPO and because it's the day we leave for our Christmas vacation. I probably won't even make it that far...last month I started my period on 12DPO. So, we'll see.

My husband is going around with a sappy grin on his face saying things like "I know you're pregnant." Super cute. But it's also making me super excited and I don't want to get my hopes up too much. At least the good thing about going back to work is that I will get too busy to obsess about this too much.

p.s. I didn't drink wine at my birthday dinner. Practicing to be a mommy is hard work!

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Happy Birthday to Me

Well, it's my birthday. I'm officially 31 now. When my husband asked me what I wanted to do today, I rolled over in bed (after completing my first desire of the day - sleeping in until after 10:00) and asked him in an embarrassed voice if I could just do nothing at all. He was so sweet and said, "I think that is a great idea, you've just been so busy and working so hard, why don't you take a day to completely relax. Don't think about anything you have to do, just relax."

Why thank you, I will. I am currently laying on the couch in my PJs, under a big blanket and next to the warm fire. All I've managed to do today is take a nap. Which is impressive, considering I woke up at 10. Tonight we're going out to a very extravagant, expensive dinner with just us and my sister. I specifically asked for not a large group. I think it will be perfect.

How do I feel about turning 31? Pretty damn good. Same as I felt last year when I turned 30. I'm happy with my life. Happy with what I've accomplished. But, if I turn 32 next year and I'm not pregnant or holding a baby, I won't be singing the same tune. Isn't it weird how you start thinking in terms of "By the time such-and-such happens...I'm sure to be pregnant" or "I probably won't be able to do blah, blah, blah because I'll probably be pregnant by then." I'm sure that goes away and can be replaced by grim realism and I secretly hope to never reach the point where my thinking changes.

For example, we just planned our trip for Valentine's Day. I am SO excited! We're going back to Zihuatanejo, Mexico. A place I've been to four times. It is a tiny fishing village on the Pacific coast in a sheltered bay. There are probably better places to go, and definitely better beaches...but it is beautiful and special and has meaning for us. Our first trip we went for our Luna de Miel (Honeymoon sounds prettier in Spanish, doesn't it?). Our second trip we went after a really difficult time in our relationship and the trip came after we recommitted to each other. The third trip we went with our best friends and they got engaged right on "our beach" - Playa La Ropa. And my last trip, my husband didn't come, because I went with my mother, aunt, and sister for my Mom's 60th birthday.

Here is a picture from one of our trips:

Here is where we'll be staying this year:

I seriously can't wait.

SO. Here I am, turning 31, being a lazy bum on the couch, and dreaming about the future in more ways than one.

Speaking of one of those ways....FF changed my ovulation date when I entered my temp this morning. I had been doubting the day they gave me because of the sharp pains I had the day after that I associated with ovulation and just...well, the feeling I had that I had ovulated on Wednesday, not Thursday. So that puts me at 3DPO (again) and with Ovulation on CD16. I'll take it.

An interesting fact. My husband told me on Wednesday after we had sex that he had his own feeling that he had just gotten me pregnant. I'm sure its something all guys say, huh? But it was so sweet and gave me a funny feeling in my tummy (NOT that kind of feeling!). When FF marked my O date the day before he supposedly impregnated me with his super sperm, I didn't have the heart to tell him it was virtually impossible. Well, now his dream is intact. Maybe it really DID happen.

Here's hoping....

Friday, December 7, 2012

Cycle Update

So I woke up this morning and put in my temperature and found out that I am 3DPO. Exciting! My coverline was lower than I expected it to be and so I thought at most I was 1-2 days post O. Good to know. I rolled over in bed and said to my husband, "I ovulated." And he mumbled sleepily, "Congratulations." Ha. Congratulations indeed. My body did what it was supposed to. And on CD15 this time, instead of CD24. Quite an accomplishment, ovaries, congrats to you. Well done.

So now here I am, entering what feels like my first TWW. Last month didn't really count in my mind as I had my surgery at 3DPO, which kind of messed things up physically and mentally. Even if there were a chance I was pregnant, there definitely wasn't any symptom-spotting, as in "Was that painful twinge my missing appendix or an implantation pain?" Yeah right.

So here I go. Hoping to stay sane. I imagine it won't be too hard to not fixate on this stuff, given how busy I will be at work for the next two weeks. It's weird, I plan on testing on 14DPO, which will be December 19th, which is the day I finish up with all of my crazy work stuff and we get in a car to leave for Christmas break. Things really do fall into cycles, don't they?

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

5 Things

So I saw this article posted on Facebook and was skimming through it half-heartedly when I realized it was really interesting and inspiring. Basically, a nurse in Australia who works in hospice care (I really don't know how people do that job, but I suppose they say that about mine too), starting asking her dying patients about their regrets. Somehow she put all of these regrets together and and came up with a "Top 5" list. Probably not as funny or witty as Jay Leno's "Top 5 Lists." You can click on the link to read more. So, the thought got me thinking and I decided to rate myself on how I'm dying on each life value.

#1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

So this one is hard to rate. My initial reaction was that I would score a 5 out of 5 on this value. I have done a lot of things I wanted to do in my life so far. I've learned Spanish fluently. I've traveled to six countries (not counting Canada!). I've pursued a career that I wanted and love what I do. In fact, my profession is a major part of who I am. And I am married to someone who makes me better each day.

But that is just a list of life accomplishments. Does that have anything to do with "living a life that is true to myself?" So, let's I living a life that is based on anyone else's expectations of me? I know I'm not living the life my parents expected of me, because I can honestly say they didn't have any expectations for me. Ha. I mean that in a good way. They have never put any pressure on me to do a certain thing or be a certain way. In fact, I think they think I'm crazy for going to school so long or working so long.

I would say that the only person I may be adjusting parts of my life for would be my husband. There are things I have sacrificed for him in order to maintain my relationship with him and place it first in my life. But really, isn't that the point of a marriage? And truth be told, he's sacrificed a lot more for me.

Sooooo what about on a deeper level? Am I being a person true to who I really am? Oh jeez, that just sounds too sappy and too much like high school soul searching. But, I think the answer is - yes. Each day I don't spend too much time being fearful, or doubting, or questioning myself. Basically, it feels good.

Score? 4.5

#2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

Hmmm. Good question. Especially this week. Especially after today, a 12 hour day filled with listening to stories of trauma and loss. I work really, really hard. And so does my husband. In fact, sometimes I worry a lot about this. What kind of life is it to get home at 8:30 at night? And how can I be a mom when I work this hard?

But we do a good job finding a balance. I have 3 days off a week, we take fabulous vacations, and we do a great job with "mini-vacations" on a weekly basis (massages, dinners, day trips).

Also, I'm not planning on working this hard my whole life. I plan on working part-time after I have kids and then eventually moving to somewhere in the country where I can have land, horses, and a quieter lifestyle.

So. Right now? Not so great, but it is an ends to a means. Neither of us grew up with any financial security and so right now we're building that. For us and for our family. I'm ok with that. I just can't/don't want to maintain it.

Score? 3

Side note...according to the article, this regret was mostly expressed by males. I wonder if this is a generational thing or if I am just not very womanly? ;)

#3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

This is vague. To who? In what situation? About what?

I would hope, given my job, that I'm pretty good at this. I don't have any deep-seated feelings or regrets that I haven't told anyone. I am open with my friends and family and share what I need or feel. But I also acknowledge that this is easier for me given that I am lucky to not have any deep-seated familial issues or any such thing.

The only thing I can think about here is that sometimes at work I can be too accommodating and take on too much work. Basically, I have a hard time saying no to my supervisors. So, if that is "expressing feelings, then yeah...I need to work on that.

Score? 4.5

#4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Ok this, I am TERRIBLE at. I don't know how to stay in touch with people and I am not one of those people who just picks up the phone to "catch up." I am also TERRIBLE at using the postal service (I got this from my mom) and so I'm not good at sending cards, gifts or care packages. *sigh* So yes, I've probably lost touch with people that I wish I hadn't. For example, the only friend I still have from high school happens to currently live in the same town as me.

But I'm also working on this. When I recently switched jobs, I knew that I was running the risk of losing all of the friends I had made there (thereby losing most of all friends, period). So I made an effort to maintain the friendships. With my busy life (see #2), this literally means sometimes planning things weeks in advance and putting it in my iCalendar, but hey, I'm trying!

You know, one of the reasons I think that I'm so bad at this is because my husband truly is my best friend. Some times I think I would just be perfectly content with just the two of us. But then I remember what girlfriends are for. Thank god for my sister and my best friend.

Score? 2

#5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Isn't that an interesting wording? "LET myself be happier." Such a healthy and brilliant way to describe it. As if happiness is something we are preventing ourselves from experiencing.

I think that is true, but only to a degree. There are life events or contextual variables that definitely but a damper on allowing yourself to feel happy. In fact, there are some situations that, if you were feeling happy, I'd find myself reaching for the DSM.

That being said, I would say I've gotten much better at this as I've grown older. Even in the last six months, I have been working on this. For me, it's been about mindfulness. Being mindful and appreciative of each moment. Instead of stressing over tomorrow, I'm trying to appreciate this moment. As in, right now...sitting by the fireplace, writing this blog, sipping some wine and just enjoying the fact that my feet are nice and warm. Seriously.

But this, to me, seems to be a lifelong journey. Good luck to us all. Let us allow the happiness in.

Score? 3.5

Wow, so that felt like a post all about me (although aren't they all?). I'm not sure anything really cares to know that much about my inner thoughts and goals. So, please do YOU rate? On a scale of 1-5, how would you rate yourself?

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Soup's On!

Today is a lazy Sunday. I am mired in overwhelming piles of paperwork that needs to be done BY tomorrow. So I'm sitting on the couch, with my laptop, fireplace turned on (yep, gas fire), kitty in lap and....blogging? Oops, I mean "working."

I'm also simultaneously making soup. How multi-taskingly-efficient, you might say. And to that I will say, Thank You Very Much. Making leftover Turkey Noodle Soup is my favorite thing after Thanksgiving. I did the prep work...

Then I pried the frozen, disgusting turkey carcass out of the freezer and made gross, whiny sounds while I plopped it into my enormous cauldron.
Right now it is simmering away making homemade turkey stock. (Isn't stock a weird word? Being from Montana, it instantly makes me think of a stock yard. As in Cattle...Moo.). So I get to feel productive while I work (ahem, blog).

I have a good feeling about this Cycle. Not as in, good feeling that I will get pregnant, because really, who knows? But a good feeling as in, I think my body is starting to regulate itself to pre-birth control womanly-ness. Granted, I don't really know for sure yet. But I'm on CD13 and I have EWCM and, well, without divulging too many personal details about my body, it just feels like I'm going to ovulate in the next few days. Of course, it felt like that last month too and then I ovulated two weeks later on CD24. BUT the point is that I just feel like it's happening and I'm getting back to normal. It's kind of nice to know that my body is just doing its thing.

So, that's my up some soup and letting my body cook up its own little magic.

p.s. I apologize for my excessive use of commas, ellipses, hyphens and parentheses. My grammar is atrocious, my writing is elusively circular, and sadly, this is how I actually think inside my head......ellipses and all.

Things OTHER Than This

How's everyone been? I haven't posted in a few days, because well, I've been thinking of things other than trying to make a baby. I've just been caught up in life. Which is a good thing. Because while I'm not thinking about it, my body is still trying to do what it needs to to make a baby. I'm on CD12, by the way, and things seem to be going very similarly to last cycle. So, while I go on with life, my body (hopefully) is setting things up to do what it needs to do.

So what HAVE I been doing since I last posted?

Trying to Stay Dry for's been raining here for the past few days.

Working...a LOT

Having a much-need spa day....seriously, a full half of a day. I feel ten years younger.

Celebrating a friend's birthday party with drinks at at bar. The bartender made me a real "James Bond Martini." It knocked me out.

Playing with my dog.
(This photo IS actually my dog)

Spending quality time with my husband.
(This is NOT actually us)

Oh, and eating some good Mexican food!
(yes, this is ACTUALLY my food).


What have YOU been up to??