Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Posting with a Pregnant Brain

I had a few moments today where I thought I was coming out of my pregnancy fog. Literally, moments. As in, "huh. Am I.....Oh no, nope." But, I definitely was less sick today. So that helped. A lot.

So given the fact that I'm still clouded and gray, I'm just going to give you a quick post, direct from my first trimester brain.

First of all, I was going to google "First Trimester Brain" and post a funny picture of what Google Images spit back out at me. Instead, I got a lot of pictures of little fetus brains. I looked around a bit, contemplated doing a better google search, and then said, "huh. oh well."

I read a beautiful and amazing book. I read it in about two days. Which is impressive because I can't believe it held my attention that long. The book, The Language of Flowers, was lent to me by a friend who thought I'd like it because of the girl grows up in a group home and I used to work in one and now I'm a child therapist and.....and anyway, i did like it for those reasons. But mostly, I loved it because it was a book about motherhood. Finding a mother, wanting a mother, becoming a mother...Of course, I cried.

"The idea filled me with equal parts terror and joy." (on being a mother)


In the book, every flower has a meaning. Moss is Maternal Love, because it is "spontaneous, imperfect and without roots." Anyhow, read it. It's good. I promise.

Similarly, although not as literary, I watched the movie Knocked Up for the first time ever last night. I was home alone (my brilliantly successful husband is on a business trip to Seattle trying to make a deal with a very famous not-to-be-disclosed company), laying on the coach with an enormous bowl of mac'n'cheese from a box, crying over Knocked Up. Yep, really. Want to know what made me cry? The clip where they show her vagina, splitting in half, with a head stretching its way through. Yep. Really. My heart started racing and I thought, Oh shit, that amazing, frightening, terrifying, very real thing is going to happen to ME and there is no going back now. And so I laughed and cried and giggled and wished for a glass of wine.



By the way, can you BELIEVE I've never seen that movie before? It was a little cosmic when she started puking in her first trimester while I tried to eat my mac'n'cheese. Yeah.

Do you get what it's like to be inside my brain yet? Next week I have a meeting with my boss about my future goals with the company. Wow. First of all, I am less than enthused with my job right now. My coworkers are not friendly, my boss is checked out, and I work too hard. Oh, and I'm pregnant. The ironic thing is, I wish I could just tell her. Then we could have an honest conversation. But...you know....rules...first trimester and all. Who knows.

I'm not sure I should hit "Post" on this post. Do you guys think I'm crazy yet?? Anyhow, this is me. Take it or leave it.

17 comments:

  1. You crack me up! Pregnancy brain left me a forgetful MESS and didn't really let up until the girl was about a year old... Good times!

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  2. I love this post! Also, I cried during Knocked Up. And basically during any birth scene in any TV show, movie, or random piece of footage ever shot on film, fictional or real. Birth scenes make me spontaneously burst into tears every. single. time.

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    1. hahah. Again, glad I'm not the only one!!

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  3. I love how emotional we can get from pregnancy hormones. The book you read looks really good, I might get it for my sister who is also a child therapist. Enjoy your pregnancy brain, its something you will look back and laugh about in the future :)

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    1. Oh you definitely should get it for her. It's awesome.

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  4. Waitress is another movie where the message about the power of motherhood just makes you want to cry. See it if you haven't.

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    1. Waitress is one of my favorite movies ever... and one that portrays very well why I want to be a mom. Hopefully soon.

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  5. You are so funny! I love your posts :-)
    Oh my gosh, I thought I had Alzheimer's in my first trimester! It was tough, LOL! It gets somewhat better in the 2nd trimester, but be prepared to misplace things - like finding the milk in your kitchen cabinets instead of the refrigerator! hahah
    Oh, you should watch the movie "Due Date" if you haven't yet :-)

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    1. I am SO ready for it to get better!! Can't wait...

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  6. Yay, mac n cheese! That's all I ate besides cereal, cantaloupe and pineapple for almost the entire 12 first weeks.

    I think I want to read that book, too.

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    1. Read it!! I think I'm surviving on pure carbs and dairy. *sigh...

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  7. OK, normally I can't stand when people use the phrase "mommy brain" because it sounds like women are just being dumb and then blaming their child or something... BUT, I was totally experiencing this recently. I was driving a friend home -- she's lived in the same place for years and I've lived in this city my whole life -- and I kept taking wrong turns or forgetting where I was, and then when I finally got to her street, I started driving right by her house! She was like, "Um, I'll just get out here..." So embarrassing!

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    1. I know, right? It's pretty crazy. I had no idea it would be this bad!

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  8. The language of Flowers sounds like a good / interesting read.
    I did not cry in knocked up, but I am terrified of ever having to get an episiotomy. The idea scares me but my nurse sister says it is better to get one than to have it tear naturally.
    But we will get there, we will survive, and the pain will go away.
    I hope you had a calm weekend and that you are feeling well. Just go with the flow and take it easy.

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    1. Thanks. All very good advice. I'm trying. And I'm getting better at it :)

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