I had a few moments today where I thought I was coming out of my pregnancy fog. Literally, moments. As in, "huh. Am I.....Oh no, nope." But, I definitely was less sick today. So that helped. A lot.
So given the fact that I'm still clouded and gray, I'm just going to give you a quick post, direct from my first trimester brain.
First of all, I was going to google "First Trimester Brain" and post a funny picture of what Google Images spit back out at me. Instead, I got a lot of pictures of little fetus brains. I looked around a bit, contemplated doing a better google search, and then said, "huh. oh well."
I read a beautiful and amazing book. I read it in about two days. Which is impressive because I can't believe it held my attention that long. The book, The Language of Flowers, was lent to me by a friend who thought I'd like it because of the girl grows up in a group home and I used to work in one and now I'm a child therapist and.....and anyway, i did like it for those reasons. But mostly, I loved it because it was a book about motherhood. Finding a mother, wanting a mother, becoming a mother...Of course, I cried.
"The idea filled me with equal parts terror and joy." (on being a mother)
In the book, every flower has a meaning. Moss is Maternal Love, because it is "spontaneous, imperfect and without roots." Anyhow, read it. It's good. I promise.
Similarly, although not as literary, I watched the movie Knocked Up for the first time ever last night. I was home alone (my brilliantly successful husband is on a business trip to Seattle trying to make a deal with a very famous not-to-be-disclosed company), laying on the coach with an enormous bowl of mac'n'cheese from a box, crying over Knocked Up. Yep, really. Want to know what made me cry? The clip where they show her vagina, splitting in half, with a head stretching its way through. Yep. Really. My heart started racing and I thought, Oh shit, that amazing, frightening, terrifying, very real thing is going to happen to ME and there is no going back now. And so I laughed and cried and giggled and wished for a glass of wine.
By the way, can you BELIEVE I've never seen that movie before? It was a little cosmic when she started puking in her first trimester while I tried to eat my mac'n'cheese. Yeah.
Do you get what it's like to be inside my brain yet? Next week I have a meeting with my boss about my future goals with the company. Wow. First of all, I am less than enthused with my job right now. My coworkers are not friendly, my boss is checked out, and I work too hard. Oh, and I'm pregnant. The ironic thing is, I wish I could just tell her. Then we could have an honest conversation. But...you know....rules...first trimester and all. Who knows.
I'm not sure I should hit "Post" on this post. Do you guys think I'm crazy yet?? Anyhow, this is me. Take it or leave it.