Grapes and Horses

I woke up early this morning because I was having a weird, end-of-the-world, zombie Apocalypse dream in which my husband and I were trying to load the pets into the Range Rover and get the fuck out of town. Don't know if this is a result of the two week long trip we just took with our pets (crazy) or because my husband is obsessed with end of the world movies/tv shows/etc. Annnnyhow. I woke up with my heart racing looking for my survival gear (yes, my husband has packed me a kit of survival gear to keep in my car) and then realized that I was wide awake at 5:00am. Which means when my alarm goes off in two hours I won't have had 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep. For those of you (all of you??) who are experts at temping and charting, you will know that three hours of uninterrupted sleep is some weird Golden Rule of temping. Right up there with, Brush Your Teeth twice a day (I don't always do that), Wash Your Face Before Bed (I never do that) and Remember to Wear Clean Underwear (this I always do!).

Being a bit of a scientist, I understand the reason for this Golden Rule of Sleeping is to create a baseline, decrease confounding variables, and overall decrease your variance in your data. Ok. Got it. But the heart-pounding-terrified-of-Zombies-awake-at-5:00am Me wasn't thinking very scientifically. I just thought "Oh shit! Now I broke the damn Golden Rule."

So I took my temp (97.5) and went back to sleep.

Two hours later, I took it again (98.0). Hmm. Very different temps. (Don't fuck with the Golden Rule, I guess).

Now I know that the increase in temp was likely due to the heavy blanket my husband put on me (how sweet) because I was cold sometime between 5:00 and 7:00. But of course, my mind starting going crazy trying to decide which temp was more accurate, which should I enter into my chart and which would mean I was pregnant, damnit!

Then I came to my senses. What am I thinking? I am 3DPO and my temps do not matter one tiny little bit. Even though people say, "Oh wow, look at that beautiful temp rise!" I have read time and time again that it doesn't matter what the hell your temps do during the two week wait. You're either pregnant or you're not. And staring at your temperatures to try to read a secret message isn't going to change anything.

Soooo....I entered a temp (the first one, 97.5, if you're desperately interested) and vowed to get on with my life.

How did I do that, you might ask? Well, if you'll remember (as I'm sure all of you dedicated fans will), I vowed that if I was Not Pregnant in January one of the things I would do is get back into horseback riding. I had taken some time off for the Holidays and was starting to miss it. In fact, horseback riding and wine are my two main consolations for not yet being pregnant. Because they are two things I know I will have to give up for awhile once I am.

Now, you might think a 31-year-old woman riding horses sounds a little silly. I've heard it all:
"But if you've been riding since you were 10, don't you know how to do it by now?"
"Ohhhh does that mean you go out and ride down the trail?"
"Wait, it's not like it's that much exercise, is it?"

And so on and so on. It makes me think of one of those pictures that were so popular on Facebook for awhile.

You know the ones? Well, this one is pretty accurate, actually. I ride Dressage (note the picture of what I think I do and picture pretty white horses dancing in place and you'll get the idea). Dressage riders are always learning and progressing and many never get to even ride the upper level movements. In other words, it's complicated.

Right now you're probably wondering what this horsey-stuff has to do with getting through the Two Week Wait in one piece? Well, for me, horseback riding is an escape. It turns off my brain and relaxes my body. It helps me to sneak away from reality and is seriously better than going for a spa-day.

Sometimes I get frustrated with it because I no longer own my own horse and I'm not riding competitively like I used and I can't ride as often as I want so I'm basically not...progressing or moving forward at all. I'm just...maintaining. But then, I go out, I smell the horses, I see the mountains, I use my body (not my brain) and I just...forget. It's wonderful. And guess what else? The effect lasts. Here I am, 6 hours later, and still not freaking out about whether I put the right temperature into my silly little chart. So if riding just once a week won't bring me back to the competitive horsewoman I once was and it won't bring back the rock-hard abs I once had (seriously I had a six pack...who said horseback riding isn't good exercise??), at least it helps my sanity.

It brings me closer to the person I want to be.

So, I'll keep riding. And I'll keep dreaming about the day that I can own my own horses again and in the meantime, I will work on being content with what I have. And, I won't give a damn about little things like 3 degrees of difference.

I will leave you with a picture of the horse I rode today. She was once 1st Level California Dressage Champion. Now she's a school horse. I bet she's not stressing over it.