Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Ripe Peaches

A long time ago, I wrote a post about the things I would miss if I got pregnant. All I could come up with were horseback riding and wine. Up until very recently, I haven't missed either. And then slowly, as I started to get better, I started to miss them a bit more.

Horseback riding? At first, I agonized over this. I debated how long to keep riding (some women ride right up until they can barely straddle the damn saddle) and stressed over whether I needed to stop. But then, right after I made the decision to stop, I started to get so sick that there was no way I could have gotten anywhere near a horse, much less stayed on. But now, I do find myself starting to miss it. I miss it because it was my special thing I did for myself and I miss the quiet time with the horses and the pushing myself to do something physical and mental at the same time. But it's not really that bad. I know I will have it again in my life and I feel content to wait on it.

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My beautiful, amazing horse and I, in college days.

But wine?? Well that's another story. First of all, similar to horseback riding, there was no way in hell you could have gotten me near a glass of wine (or any type of alcohol for that matter) for the first 16-18 weeks or so. But lately, now that I'm feeling pretty damn great, I find myself craving the wine. Seriously. I'm craving the ritual of pouring the much-anticipated-glass at the end of the night, or sharing a bottle with my husband by a campfire, or spending a day wine tasting and slipping away into nothing but the flavors. Mostly, I'm missing the instant relaxation the glass of wine gives me. Now, I know you all are probably thinking, so, just have a glass of wine...it won't kill you (or the baby). In fact, when I was going through the stress of the Mexico-incident, my midwife recommended a glass of wine. But, in ironic contrast to my love of wine, I am also strongly against imbibing it during pregnancy. Please don't get me wrong. I won't judge you if you decide to partake. It's up to you. But I've just dealt with too many kids with cognitive disabilities to chance having to live through the guilt of even the remotest chance.

So I abstain. And each day, I miss it more and more. I think it's because, right now, I don't feel pregnant, I just feel normal. Normal enough to get stressed over stupid things, normal enough to feel healthy and strong, and so I keep thinking...hey, you know what would be good right about now?? You know what is funny about it? Everyone who knows me keeps asking, So, how's it been without any alcohol? And I think to myself, Wow, they must really think I'm a lush. So far, I can honestly say it hasn't been too bad at all. But as time goes on, I may have to admit my inner wino is screaming.

Oh, but my midwife ALSO recommended a glass of wine during labor. Now that (for some odd reason), I CAN get on board with!

In the same post where I mentioned that I would miss horses and wine, I also said something flippant like, "I know I won't miss my non-pregnant body. I'm willing to sacrifice that." Later, after I wrote it, I thought that might have been a little naive of me and I might find myself eating my own words.

But, so far, at 22 weeks with a COMPLETE shift in the shape and look of my body, I am not going back on my words. Now, I know things could change later on when I blow up like a balloon and am criss-crossed with the calligraphy of stretch marks, but right now? Right now, I am loving my pregnant body. I love the roundness, the femininity, the sexuality, the ripeness...oh god, I sound like I'm either describing sex or a really ripe peach. But honestly, I love it. I love to look at myself in the mirror (clothed or unclothed). I love to touch my own stomach and breasts. I like wearing clingy dresses and I'm even not minding bikinis.

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Now, before you get up in arms and start to hate me because you're picturing a pregnant fertility Barbie doll or something, let me tell you, I have plenty of things I could focus on not to like. Such as, love handles that are prominent in ANYTHING I wear, including (probably) a completely padded snow suit. Enormous, itchy, stretched out thighs. And arms that have turned into soft pillowy tubes of dough that seem to expand by the day. But it's okay because, well, I LIKE it. I feel like I look like a real woman. (Have you ever seen Real Women Have Curves?) As someone who's been pretty thin her whole live, I like oozing this curviness. So far, I feel good about myself.

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I will check back in with you all when I am 37 weeks and see if I am still loving my body. Oh, and post-partum body? I am not looking forward to looking like a wrinkled, deflated peach. Oh well.

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Oh, and ONE more thing that I miss. Something I didn't mention in my previous post because it seemed trivial and insignificant (what was I thinking??). This is something that I didn't realize was a silent friend getting me through my mornings and afternoon slumps. The thing I turned to when I needed to get through a mountain of work and needed something to boost me up and get me through. Have you figured it out yet?? CAFFEINE, oh how I miss you!!

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And to end this post in a sufficiently random, disjointed way (oh, so me), I just wanted to update you that I achieved a hurdle this weekend that I would have never been able to accomplish in my first trimester. I went to Disneyland! And I'm serious people, this is a big deal. I even wrote a post in the first Trimester about how the Happiest Place on Earth could go fuck itself, or something along those lines. But now? The magic is back! My friend was visiting from out of town with her husband and 2-year-old and 2-month-old daughters. How could I pass it up? It was 90+ degrees at DL, but I did okay. I was SO proud of myself. I was also completely fascinated by her newborn and how amazing she was. She kept the baby in a wrap most of the day and I left convinced that I needed at least three Moby Wraps, in 3 different colors, since I would probably be wearing my baby at all times. Who needs a Bugaboo stroller anyway??

19 comments:

  1. Ohhhh, I love how you described your body. And you're so so right. You look absolutely beautiful. Also, I can definitely get behind a glass of wine during labor. That baby will have one foot out the door and into one of your three Moby Wraps at that point anyway. ;)

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    1. Hahaha...love it. I will toast him with a glass of wine as he slides into the Moby Wrap.

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  2. I'm in a pretty confused place with my body right now. I LOVE my belly, but my boobs are still pretty tender and I'm getting frustrated with all the things I can't do, all the new clothes I have to buy, the things I can no longer wear... so I'm not really feeling the love overall.

    It's so funny that your work with cognitive impairment has made you anti-alcohol, for me, it's been the exact opposite. So many of the parents I worked with did everything by the book and it made no difference to the outcome for their children. For me (and it's SUCH a personal decision), having read the research, a glass of wine once in a blue moon won't hurt. Having said that, I've still not actually had one, but there is a glass of wedding champagne as the sun sets in Las Vegas with a group of my closest friends in my future...

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    1. Oh i hope the tenderness of your boobs will go away soon. Mine seem to belong to me again, which is nice. And you know, I think it's not just working with kids with disabilities, it's doing thorough psychological assessments where I can see unexplained cognitive deficits that who-knows-where they come from. Such as, a child with a deficit in auditory memory. Who knows?? So, I'm paranoid. Even though you are totally right, it's usually JUST FINE.

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  3. This curviness and feminity you describe is part of what I look forward to in pregnancy. Wine and horses will come back to your life soon enough, and I am sure I will miss caffeine as well, I am already trying to cut down my consumption but a latte or cappucino every once in a while is a real treat.
    I am glad to hear you are feeling normal and energetic.

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    1. Yes, the curviness is really great. I can't wait until you can experience it. I didn't have that much caffeine pre-pregnancy. Just a mug of black tea most days and SOME days I'd have a latte when I was extra tired. But wow, do I miss it.

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  4. I love your attitude toward your pregnant body. I've found the pregnant shape to be liberating in some sense. Although I'm generally fairly happy with my body, sometimes I get self-conscious about my belly, which is never flat even though I'm normally thin. But in pregnancy, I don't even think about it! Of course my belly is curvy, it's supposed to be that way! So I love that part.

    On the other hand, because my belly is ever-growing and my shape keeps changing almost on a daily basis, my mind can't quite get used to it. Especially now in the third trimester, I can really feel the effects of the shifting center of mass (as in, I'm even more of a klutz than usual).

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    1. Yes, I agree that it is really, really weird. It changes so much and so quickly that I really can't keep up with it. Maybe that's why I'm obsessed with it? Because it doesn't feel like my own body.

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  5. You are gorgeous! And I know I would miss wine if I were pregnant... all of the things you described! But my husband comes from wine country and tells me he wouldn't care if I had a glass here and there so I would probably give in and do it...

    Also, I am OBSESSED with baby wearing. There are some gorgeous wraps out there, and I know I am going to spend FAR too much money on them! I actually worried about adopting an older child because I would practically miss out on all the baby wearing!

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    1. Yes, I am suuuure a glass of wine every once in a while is fine. I'm just oddly neurotic about it. And yes, how cool is baby wearing? I was fascinated by how her baby just snuggled in like a little faerie baby in a pea pod.

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  6. You look amazing!!
    Wine...I wasn't able to have any this past week while in the hospital but I'll be having a glass (or two) for both of us tonight. Red or white?

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    1. Red!! Oh....you know what? Red is my go-to, but given the summer weekend coming up, I'd have to say maybe a good Rose??

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  7. Several things:
    I, too, abstained from wine until I was in labor. I had some red Chilean wine... delicious. I think it made labor continue.

    My PP body is thankfully not reminiscent of a wrinkled peach; pregnant yoga works. It just doesn't feel like it's working while you do it ;o)

    I'm so happy you're pregnant and happy and blogging. I'm still reading :o)

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    1. Glad you haven't shriveled up! I'm sure the yoga helped. Unfortunately, not sure if I should be doing yoga right now after our recent scare. The midwife said maybe to find a class with gentle stretching and breathing exercises?

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  8. Haha, that shrivelled peach looks pretty gross! I'm sure you'll look better than that, post-baby. I actually thought I'd be suffering a lot more with the lack of wine in my life (I was a daily consumer), but I've only really missed it a few times -- one especially chilled bottle of rosé was so hard to resist during a warm summer evening. I've been drinking a fair amount of non-alcoholic beer, actually, which tastes a LOT like regular beer. And I like that it isn't sweet... can only have so many mocktails, after all. I was drinking a small amount of coffee each morning throughout this pregnancy until I got the warning about low amniotic fluid, so now I'm limiting myself to tea (and shitloads of Gatorade)... but I'm sure it's fine if you sneak a bit here and there. :)

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  9. You look beautiful!! I feel the same way about my pregnant body. I'm starting to feel a little bit fat, now that I'm nearing the end. I still love it though. :-) I love the peach pictures haha! You are right on with those! Also, I still drink some caffeine but there's hardly time to fit it in with all the water consumption. :-)

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  10. I thought I would miss wine a lot more than I do. I mostly miss the idea of it, but wine (or any alcohol) doesn't sound good to me right now. I do believe you can drink a little while pregnant and be fine, but when it comes down to actually drinking it makes me nervous so I am sort of glad I just don't want it at all.
    On the other had, I do miss and want caffeine. Mostly because I am so tired all the time. I have a little in the form of tea or an occasional coke but some mornings I would love a fully caffeinated coffee.

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  11. I love that you love your preggo body! And it is really beautiful. I hope I can adopt that attitude. I'm stressing that I'm not even 6 weeks yet and I'm already gaining weight! (Mainly because I've been too tired to work out.) I'm looking forward to the noticeable belly stage for sure. Right now it's just my love handles that are expanding!

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  12. Found your blog through Donating Hope, and I'm so glad I did! Congrats on your pregnancy and by the way, you look absolutely fabulous!

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