Thursday, July 11, 2013

A Day in my Pregnant Life

I wake up.

I wake up separated from my husband by a giant white pillow and I think, I need to pee. I need to pee right now.

After a near-orgasm-inducing pee, I don a goofy grin to check out my belly and breasts in the full length mirror. I prod my belly button with a creeped-out expression on my face. I check my weight. I brush my teeth with an electric toothbrush, even though I'd rather be lazy and use a regular one, because my dentist has scared me to death about dental hygiene during pregnancy. I choke down two prenatals, two cranberry pills w/D-Mannose, and a fish oil capsule. I wonder why I am so terrible at swallowing pills.

I get dressed and marvel at how much easier getting dressed is now that I'm pregnant. I don't know if it's the lack of options, the pleasure of wearing maxi dresses to work (just slip out a blazer and you're work-ready, right?), or the simple joy of having another opportunity to gaze at my tummy in today's outfit.

I eat something. I try to be healthy, but it's usually something way too heavy in carbs. I wish for a vanilla latte and settle for steamed milk with vanilla flavoring.

I walk into work and smile a secret smile when the receptionist greets me because, I'm still pregnant and she can't help but notice. I log into my computer to check emails. This takes about 7 minutes because my computer is from the Jurassic period. While it loads, I check one more day off the calendar. One more day closer.

I spend the day with my clients, discussing behavioral problems, sexual abuse, coping skills, and relaxation techniques. I field awkward questions about how I'm doing and try to act professional by not jumping into diatribes about my baby and how great he is.

I don't get much paperwork done. I spend too much time googling cribs/mobiles/nurserylighting, researching random important questions (such as, why does my ankle hurt? can I eat soft serve ice cream? how much wine can I drink while breastfeeding?) and hanging out in the bathroom. Seriously, hanging out in the bathroom is really fun. It means I can be peeing (a favorite pasttime) or standing in front of the mirror (an even more favorite pasttime).

My days are stressful. My clients have a lot of problems and they need a lot. I am always behind. I stare at the piles of files to be sorted. But you know what? Most of the time, it's okay because I have something more important to think about.

Then I drive home. I flip on the seat heater for my aching back and unhook my bra while driving. I try not to make stupid mistakes on the freeway (so far I've backed my car into the parking garage pillar and got lost twice on my daily commute). I daydream.

Then...I don't know what happens to the next few hours. I am on a current Grey's Anatomy kick in which I am re-watching every episode from Season 1 on. I eat something and wish I had the energy to cook something more exciting. Or more healthy. Sometimes we take the dog for a walk.

Then slowly, the pregnancy monster takes over my body. The one that converts me from a 5-month-pregnant-lady into an 8-month-pregnant-lady. In other words, I go from having to pee once an hour to once every fifteen minutes. My stomach seems to swell in size and get rock hard. I walk around holding it like an old lady. I get breathless. I complain a lot.

Finally, I crawl into bed. I crawl into the Giant White Vagina Pillow and prop myself up for some serious baby bonding time. I am someone that usually needs to be overstimulated at all times so as not to get bored. But not during bonding time with baby. I love feeling him move.

Let me speak to this for a minute here...movement is a funny thing. At least for me. It's exciting because...well, that's my baby! It's also reassuring because it means he's ok (is that where the term "alive and kicking comes from??"). It's also fascinating because...holy hell, there is something alive in there! And, honestly, it's kinda creepy because, again, there's something ALIVE in there!

Anyhow, after spending some time with the baby, I begin to snuggle myself into my pillow nest. I moan and groan a lot. I prop up parts of my body. I wonder how the hell I can do this when I'm 8-months-pregnant. B. comments that maybe, just possibly, I'm exaggerating?

Then I find the perfect spot. I am supported, warm and comfortable. I can breathe. I am content.

I sigh and close my eyes.

I open them. I have to pee.


  1. I totally hear you on the movement thing! It's so weird and slightly creepy but it's so cool too. It's amazing really!

  2. Oh this was so very illustrative :) Thanks for letting us in your day!

  3. Ha, that sounds familiar. :)

    I somehow lost my ability to swallow the ginormous prenatal pills around the second trimester, and switched to gummies, which are so much easier (but apparently lack iron, so now I am anemic and need to take an iron supplement).

    As for getting comfortable at night in the third trimester... yeah it's a bit more challenging. And you are more likely to get up and pee several times a night. But pillows definitely help, so sounds like you've already got this figured out!

  4. I totally feel you on the going from 5 months to 8 months pregnant by the end of the day!! My stomach is always WAY bigger after dinner compared to in the morning -- I don't mind it, though; if anything, I get disturbed the next morning when it looks like it's shrunk.

    And yeah, despite investing in a quality bra, I still prefer to go braless as much as possible... I actually went to IKEA the other day and suddenly realized I was wearing neither bra NOR underwear. Oops!

  5. I love this post!! Really felt like I could have written it as well. :)

  6. The movement is totally weird and disturbing and cool at the same time. I can see my belly move when they are really feisty and I just sit and stare at it.
    And peeing has become my part time job. Sometimes I will go to the bathroom and by the time I get back to my desk I already have to pee again. It's really hard to get any work done sometimes (like now when I am procrastinating and reading blogs)

  7. BAHAHAAAAHAAAAAAAAAA I remember all of this.

  8. I was worried I would be REALLY creeped out by the baby's movement, but I guess my brain is built to accept it better than I thought. If I dwell on the idea too long (like, it's fun to imagine the baby having two-inch-long feet right now, but... OMG, two-inch-long feet inside of me!), it feels stranger and stranger. As the baby gets bigger and I can feel more of her small movements (not just the kicks and big turns), it makes me really curious as to what she's doing in there!

  9. This is awesome!! I can relate to this in so many ways:)

  10. I love this! :-) Made me smile. I am the same way on so many levels!

  11. I am so ready to arrive at the juncture where getting dressed is easier rather than harder - I think I'm on the verge but it will mean having to buy some new clothes that more, ahem, accommodate and flatter this new body. So, dying to know, where do you buy your professional pregnancy work clothes?

  12. Cool post. Loved reading it. Being pregnant impacts therapy more than you'd think, doesn't it? Just wait til the end. I saw seven clients while in significant labor that last day. I was in MAJOR denial that my baby was coming, so when I'd have a contraction, I'd find some excuse to stand up, like writing something on my whiteboard (which I never do). Anyways...I could really identify with what you said about fielding awkward questions from clients.

    1. Neat to find another therapist out there who gets this. I don't think there's enough attention paid to what this is like for both clients and therapists. But, seriously? You were having contractions and seeing clients?? Crazy girl!

    2. Yeah, I really was. I called my doula, doctor and nurses throughout the day, and they kept telling me that as long as I could walk and talk through the contractions, I was I just stayed at work. They just slowly intensified throughout the day. Just posted a link to my birth story on your latest post. I talk a little more about all that stuff in that post.


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