After reading/lurking a lot of trying to conceive forums, it seems to me that trying to get pregnant is really just a lot of waiting. Waiting to ovulate, waiting to test, waiting, waiting...Well, I've been waiting to start trying and today here I am waiting for Cycle Day 1. It could be today or it could be tomorrow. I can see why people say that charting is bad for your sanity. It basically takes normal people and turns them into people with Obsessive-Compulsive personalities. I mean, people begin to over-think, over-analyze and basically obsess over every little detail of their bodies. It divides your life up into these odd little segments of time, waiting for this...waiting for that...when really everyone is just waiting for the same big thing.
The odd thing is, even though I can see how it could be unhealthy and
anxiety-provoking, I am silly excited to jump in and try it myself.
Ironic, no? I guess because lately I haven't found the same
satisfaction from work that I always have. I don't know if this lack
of satisfaction is due to my new job not panning out to be all that I
had hoped, or just due to the fact that I am re-prioritizing my life.
Either way, the idea of having this "secret game" with myself of
waiting and watching, is kind of exciting.
I mean, I've never really thought about my body so much before. The
idea of not having birth control pills coursing through my system and
just allowing my body to go back to being a woman is exciting. I'm
excited to see what happens with it. Hopefully, if it takes my body
months to re-regulate and start being normal again after birth
control, I can remember this excitement about "just letting things go
back to normal." Someone please remind me to re-read this post if I
am agonizing and bitching in three months about how much BCP have
screwed up my body? ;)
*A side note here after re-reading what I've written. It's a weird
feeling to be writing this blog. Most of the women on the forums are
on those forums because they are having difficulty conceiving. I mean,
most women just get pregnant and don't over-obsess so much (leave it
to me to jump on the obsession-wagon). So finger-crossed that I will
be one of the ones who does not have major problems conceiving, it
seems kind of sad to be writing this blog about how "excited" I am,
when other women out there have felt so much agony going through this
process. I have a good friend who has been dealing with this for
almost two years now and I cringe to think about what she would
think/feel if she read what I have written about being "excited to
That said, this is my own journey and I am going to approach it how I will.