Sunday, March 31, 2013

Monte

My weekend has been a whirlwind. I'm going to share it with you.

Friday morning I woke up sick. So sick that I threw up twice before I could even leave the house. When does this nausea end? I am at 9+3 today and I am really ready for it to be over. I got in my car to drive to work and didn't make it more than a quarter of a mile before I had to pull over and puke. In my car. In a bag. It was one of those moments where you can't believe it's happening to you, so you just...go with it. The rest of my day at work was pretty uneventful and I was happily finishing up some paperwork right around 4:00 when I got a call from my husband.

My husband always sounds sure of himself. This time, he didn't. "Um, I think you need to come home. Now. Something is wrong with Monte."

Monte is our 9-year-old German Shepherd that we've had since he was a puppy. Time stilled as he told me that our housekeeper had called to say that Monte was acting tired and "weird" all day. When my husband got home, he noticed he was acting disoriented. Within a short period of time, my husband noticed that Monte's eyes had filled with blood and seemed to be bulging. Yes, bulging with blood. My husband tried to be calm as he told me that Monte didn't seem to be able to see. Anything.

I got in the car and drove home, cursing the fact that I work so far from home. Meanwhile, I helped my husband to find the closest vet to our house and told him I'd meet him there. The whole time I was just praying that I would make it in time to say goodbye to Monte. I was sure that this was it. That we would be saying goodbye to him that day.

Long story short, the vet spent over two hours running tests on him, only to tell us that she had no idea what was wrong with him. She said that he is apparently in amazingly good health for his age, with the exception of the fact that he was suffering from "acute blindness." The vet was caring, kind, and thorough, but sent us home with no knowledge, plan, or diagnosis. We scheduled another appointment for the following morning.

That night, I saw my husband cry. This is something I have only witnessed maybe four times in our 13 years together. I was shocked and touched. I held him and tried to reassure him, but really, what can't you say? I realized that for me, having Monte home with us was a gift. I hadn't expected to have him with us anymore. But for my husband, he was shocked that this could have happened and couldn't stop imagining Monte's fear and confusion and the fact that there was nothing we could do for him.

Since then, it's gotten better. I mean, Monte is the same. Still can't see a thing, but he is calmer, and thinking things through, and no longer running around in a panic and smacking his head on everything (really, REALLY hard to watch). We took control and started going back to Obedience School basics, perfecting the perfect "Heel" right against our thighs and teaching him "Wait," "Right" and "Left." Our dog is so freaking smart. What dog can start to learn to turn left and right just based on voice commands within a two day span?? I am so proud of him and the training seems to be giving him a sense of control and decreasing his fear. But oh god, it is so heartbreaking to see him sitting at alert, listening as hard as he can for our next command, and staring blindly at nothing.

We have spent the entire weekend with him. I've been feeling sick off and on, which just adds to the grey, apathetic state that was induced by the sadness about Monte and the claustrophobia of staying home all weekend long. I know it's what I needed to do for myself and for my dog (and for my husband), but I have such a hard time sitting at home and doing nothing. It just makes me less productive, which then makes me feel more guilty and depressed. Yuck. What a cycle.

Today was Easter. Our last Easter without kids (knock on wood). We spent it laying around the house, curtains drawn, in grey semi-darkness. At the end of the day, we ventured out to go grocery shopping. On the way, I suddenly had a craving for a steak (really??) and mashed potatoes. On a whim, we pulled into a restaurant. We completely forgot it was Easter. We showed up to their Easter Buffet, 45 minutes before they closed for the night, and walked in dressed in our sweatshirts, jeans, and flip flops. Happy families in Easter outfits filled the room. How bizarre. Also, eating off of a buffet when pregnant is bizarre. Taste this - reject it. Taste that - go back for more. Taste this - almost gag out loud. So bizarre.

When we got home from dinner and grocery shopping, we were eager to see how Monte had done on his first time alone with his blindness. He was waiting at the back door, tail wagging, looking alert, happy and proud of himself. It warmed me so much to see that, as I've been worrying all weekend what will happen when we go back to work on Monday. (Luckily, our housekeeper comes and will take care of him for a few hours and my husband will probably come home at lunch to be with him).

And now it's Sunday night, my least favorite night of the week. I'm thinking of all of the things I left undone at work on Friday when I rushed out, which will make my Monday even harder, but mostly, I'm feeling relieved that we have Monte with us and that he was smiling at us when we came in the door tonight.



Monte, resting his eyes after the traumatic trip to the Vet

18 comments:

  1. Aww, poor Monte.. :-( That's so sad and scary! I hope whatever it is gets better and goes away! I'm glad he seems to be more like himself!

    Also so sorry to hear you're feeling so yucky. Ugh. I hope it passes quickly! At least by the 2nd trimester, you should hopefully be doing tons better. Not long now!

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    1. I am SO excited to join the 2nd trimester!

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  2. Poor Monte! That image of him running into things is so sad! Glad he seems to be adjusting so soon and getting calmer.

    And props to you for braving the buffet!

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  3. Oh my goodness, poor Monte! I'm o glad that he is still with you and was in such good spirits when you got home Sunday night. Poor baby!!

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  4. Poor Monte. I do hope that things improve soon and that Monte is back to his old self. ((HUGS))

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  5. Omg this was terrifying to read! Poor little guy... can't believe the vet wasn't able to actually pinpoint what was going wrong, either. Anyway, glad to hear he's recovering. Sense of smell and hearing is really most important for dogs, so I'm sure he'll gradually adjust. Talk about a stressful weekend, though!

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  6. Thanks for commenting on my blog and congrats on your pregnancy!

    I'm so sorry to hear about Monte!! We have two bigger dogs (one is 9 as well) and I'm dreading the day that something awful happens. We already had bloat surgery this past fall...that nearly killed me. I hope that Monte is back to his old self soon!

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  7. Oh... I am so sorry for Monte. Could it be Sudden Acquired Retinal Degeneration Syndrome? (Which just means we have no idea of what's going on). Since he is old... did he have cataracts or glaucoma (excess pressure)?. It could be a problem in the nervous system, an endocrine problem or due to a toxic substance (has he been outside? Could he have eaten something strange?). Did the vet tested for all of those things? I am sending you some links here... I hope he'll get better.

    http://www.reachoutrescue.org/info/display?PageID=11145

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sudden_acquired_retinal_degeneration

    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/03/080304173310.htm

    http://www.sardsawareness.org/

    http://www.petplace.com/dogs/blindness-in-dogs/page1.aspx

    And I hope you are feeling well...


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    1. Amanda, I forgot I had an expert I could consult with! Thank you for the links! It COULD be SARDS, and I will talk to the vet, but it sounds like that onset is not so sudden, as in within a three hour time span? He was fine at around noon and then blind at 3:00. Also, those sites don't mention the eyeball bulging and turning red with blood?

      Here is what they have so far: tested for Lyme's disease (we just went camping), tested for glaucoma/cataracts, consulted with the opthamalogist and internal medicine specialist, x-rays of his abdomen and chest to look for tumors/masses, complete blood panel (everything is completely normal expected he is borderline anemic), they ran two PCV tests to follow up on the anemia, and that's all I can remember right now. He has an abdominal ultrasound scheduled on Tuesday because they keep thinking it's cancer. The eye doctor doesn't think the problem is with his eyes, but rather caused by something else in his body. The vet did mention Cushing's Disease as a possibility, but said it would be rare as he doesn't have any other symptoms and his blood panel was so healthy (they said like a 3-year-old dog!). Right now, seems like they are leaning toward cancer. They just can't find it...

      I especially want to thank you for the first link you sent. The way it describes what happens to Monte perfectly in the sudden onset section. It says, "He is more likely to experience depression, nervousness, and anxiety." This exactly how he acted. Very despondent and frightened. He became so much happier and calmer once we started training. The article also mentions the importance of the "Wait" command. Thank god we already have that one down. Now just working on Right and Left...

      I'll keep you posted!

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    2. Oh, and the picture of the GSD in the Rescue article, trying to walk, with his head cocked to the side, looks EXACTLY like Monte and how he moves his head when he walks to hear better. Except the dog in the picture doesn't have blood red eyes.

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  8. Thank you ALL for your comments and concern for Monte. Today I have a twelve hour work day so I am definitely thinking about him while I'm away from the house. I will keep everyone posted on how he is doing.

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  9. Oh my gosh. How terribly scary for you guys and for sweet Monte. I freak out when my dogs have odd bumps. I can't imagine how difficult this was. I'm so glad that he's bright and that he has seemed to learn how to navigate his new world in a few short days. Thank goodness he lives with you and your husband, who immediately came to his side to provide him comfort and guidance. Not all humans are that wonderful to their pets!

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  10. It was heartbreaking to read about poor Monte. I am always amazing, though, by how resilient animals are. When something physical goes wrong with them, they don't spend any time feeling sorry for themselves, they just figure out how to deal with it and go right back to being their happy, contented selves. It blows my mind every time. I hope your nausea goes away soon, it sounds AWFUL!

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    1. Uhhhh, I meant to say I am amazed, not I am amazing. I mean, I am amazing, but that's not what I meant in this instance. ;)

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    2. Haha, of course you're amazing. I'm so glad you're patting yourself on the back like you deserve ;) No but really, I agree that animals are so much more resilient. Maybe less crap to wade through?

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  11. Oh my gosh, I am soo sorry! The way you described his anguish just broke my heart. And your poor husband, how sad! I wish you could get a diagnosis to know if there is anything you can do for him. What a strong dog to be able to deal with his blindness so quickly, to be already learning new commands and waiting for you with his tail wagging. Can you imagine if a human went through what Monte went has? I think there is a lot we can learn from dogs.

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  12. I'm so sorry Monte isn't feeling well! If it makes you guys feel better, hyphema is really common and you're doing good keeping an eye on him.

    I totally know how it is to puke in the car. Keep a towel in there, too because if it sneaks up on you and you puke into it, it just soaks everything up and you can fold it up, toss it in the washer and it's all good. But always pull over if you can like you did!
    I also like and dislike buffet eating now because I can find really good stuff and keep going for more.

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    1. Oh a towel! That's a good idea. I've been trying to keep a bag in the car, but I'm afraid it will seep through into my lap. Gross.

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