Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The Value of Maternity Leave

So last week I went to HR to try to figure out my maternity leave. I had no idea what to expect because I had been told everything from six weeks to six months of leave. I was (obviously) hoping for the six months. The meeting was very, very strange. It was myself, three other very pregnant women, and a very strange little man who seemed to lack basic social and communication skills. He walked us through a one hour long powerpoint presentation during which we asked tons of questions and I became more and more confused.

At the end of it, I asked him, “So you’re saying we can take UP TO six months off, but that 'it depends?'”

He nodded. “Exactly!”

"But, 'it depends' on what?”

"On what your doctor recommends after the birth."

"But how will I know what she's going to recommend before it happens?? What do doctors typically recommend?"

"Welllll I can't really say. Some women only take six weeks, some are able to extend their leave much longer."

Me: “Listen, take the money out of it, just tell me how long I can take off, without losing my job?”

Him: “It depends.”

Me: "So you’re trying me that when my clients ask when we’ll resume therapy, I should tell them, 'it depends??'

Him, smiling: "Pretty much!"

Basically, I walked out feeling like an idiot. I mean, I have a Ph.D. and I could not figure out for the life of me, how long I will be having off nor how much I will be getting paid while I’m gone (if anything!). After more research of my own, this is what I came up with: I can take four weeks off prior to the birth and then six weeks off after (8 weeks if c-section, but I’m not planning on that!). If there are any “complications,” my post-birth time can be extended up to 16 weeks. This is all covered under Pregnancy Disability Leave. Don’t ask me what I’ll get paid exactly during this time, but I’ll be paid something. THEN, I can take Family Medical Leave (covered under California Family Rights Act) for another 12 weeks. So, if you take the total amount of time off, it equals six months. Unfortunately, according to my midwife, by the very nature of having a baby at a birth center, I am a “low risk” birth, which means highly unlikely there will be complications to extend the disability leave. Which leaves me instead with the minimum, which is 18 weeks (4.5 months).

Now I know that’s not bad, and that’s better than what a lot of women get, but damnit, I wanted my six months off. I wanted six months to just be with my baby and to not have to work and not have to think about things other than just…being. So, frankly, I was disappointed. I’ve heard from co-workers who somehow miraculously extended their leave while out, simply by calling in and saying they didn’t “feel ready” to come back yet, but I’m not sure I’m ballsy enough to do that. I’m such a rule follower. If, after 4.5 months, I’m emotionally and physically ready to come back, I can’t imagine bending the truth to say I’m not??

As I was voicing my frustration to B that I wanted my full six months off, he looked at me in disbelief and said, “You realize you’re trying to work the system right? You’re trying to say you have a disability that makes it so you need to be paid to not work?” I thought this was interesting. First of all, I’m lucky enough that we’re in a position that if I had to take the full time un-paid, we could work it out. So no, I’m not trying to extend disability pay. I just want time with my baby and then have a job to come back to. But it did really get me thinking. Why does the state pay women disability to have a baby? Why isn’t it just recognized as a needed time to bond with your baby? Why is the US so backwards in this?

Also, I started realizing that me pouting over an extra 1.5 months is ridiculous. Many women only get six weeks off and many more don’t even get that. So, even though my 18 weeks off is protected through the federal and state programs, it only applies to you if you are lucky enough to work at a large enough establishment to provide you with this luxury. Additionally, your disability pay is figured based on a percentage of your salary. So this too is imbalanced and pushes some women to go back earlier simply because it is impossible to live off of their disability pay check. Now, I’m not political at all and I am quite ignorant when it comes to comparing political systems, so not sure if I’m arguing for socialism or communism or WHAT here, but doesn’t it seem that birth should be universally recognized as something that all families should be able to take the time to celebrate it?

Then I thought, “Well huh, in a way, it is interesting how much birth actually is recognized as something valued in our society.” Because, if we look at the flip side of things, the fact that federal programs protect maternity leave says something, doesn’t it? It says that we are going to give women the luxury to take time off in order to do a very important thing – bond with their baby. You don’t get six weeks off for other major life events – marriage, divorce, not even a death in the family. (Although, yes I know you can use family leave for these things, but there is no specific Divorce Disability Leave Act).

So what does this date back to? Why does society still recognize having a baby as something special that deserves to be given its due time? Honestly, I think it relates to the fact that, unconsciously, human beings understand that on a spiritual, biological and evolutionary level, having babies is freaking important. If we didn’t reproduce, we’d be screwed. So, even though people try to talk about it in terms of intellectual or metaphysical or god-knows-what terms to define it, I think at some level we as humans, regardless of culture, recognize that babies are very important and the mothers carrying those babies deserve some respect.

Also, I think it’s a nod to something that most people really don’t realize consciously, but again, maybe at some unconscious level. The fact is, for a woman to get pregnant and carry a baby to term, SO many things have to go right. SO many variables have to be exactly right. I mean, not to sound religious here, but it really is a miracle. Sometimes we take it for granted. But…it’s absolutely amazing when you think about all that happens to create that baby. So maybe, in its own not-so-sufficient way, the United States of America is recognizing that miracle by granting women six weeks off to recognize it.

So, to go full circle, I still am depressed that I can’t “work the system” to get my full six months off, but I realize that I am lucky to even have my 4.5 months. And…I’ll take it. I’ve worked my entire life, from high school on, and so I will cherish those 18 weeks and appreciate them. Even if I’m exhausted and cranky the whole time. Oh, and since I’m not even sure yet what money I’ll be getting paid, I’ll cherish whatever small paycheck shows up in the mail as well!

17 comments:

  1. I know you probably didn't realize it but you typed exactly this:

    " Unfortunately, according to my midwife, by the very nature of having a baby at a birth center, I am a “low risk” birth, which means highly unlikely there will be complications to extend the disability leave."

    UNFORTUNATELY?! That is wonderful, really! You'll find a way to be with your baby but it doesn't have to be complications for you or him! It will be fine. Enjoy your low-risk pregnancy and birth. You don't want more time with baby because you had complications or he needed time in a NICU... trust me.

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    1. Oh my god. THANK YOU for pointing out my craziness in thinking. Of course I don't want complications and would never wish that on anyone. What I MEANT was, I'd heard some doctors would extend your leave purely for "bonding time" and "unfortunately" the midwives won't do that. Amazing how unaware we can be at times as to what we are saying. Thanks for the catch!

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  2. I think this is so interesting! When I had Little K, I only had six weeks off and it was just... normal. What everyone took! You got 6 weeks for vaginal delivery or 8 weeks for c-section and that was it. Has it really been in just the past seven years that so much has changed? What a blessing!

    And now you have me thinking about maternity leave and whether or not the small-business I work for is required to conform to FML leave or disability pay...

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    1. I think it depends on what state you are in and what size of company you work for. But really, it's confusing as hell to me...

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  3. I just wanted to say that at I also thought I had my maternity leave and THEN my FMLA leave but I was corrected and told that my FMLA leave ran concurrently with my maternity leave, so the most I could take off was three months total, and some of that time I was paid for maternity leave (even though my FMLA leave was ticking) and some of it I wasn't, as it was just FMLA leave. You should just double check about that. Also, ir your employer pays into California disability you can get up to six months off, that might be where the HR is getting that number. I didn't look too much into it because my school district does not pay into California disability leave so I did not qualify for it.

    Basically what your HR guy was talking about was what your OB/midwife will write for you. Another teacher at my school always got her OB to write that she needed 3-4 months off so she not only got the time, but pay for it! Where as my OB would do no such thing and I had to make due with my measly 6 weeks of maternity leave pay, which is only 1/2 my salary anyway. It was very unfair.

    You're right that the whole thing is totally insane. Truly. When I think what mothers in Canada and the UK get I'm stunned by how bad our coverage is here. It's just awful.

    Good luck figuring it all out!

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  4. Yes, part of it is CA disability and part is FMLA. So I can take disability first (6weeks), then I can notify then that I want to start FMLA, which is another 12 weeks (but not fully paid). I thiiiink this is how it works. I want my doctor to sign off like your coworker's doctor!

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  5. Thanks for writing this - having just broached the maternity leave elephant in the room with my employer, I've been planning to blog about this very issue. It's so interesting - four and a half months sounds like a dream - but only to us Americans who live in a system where pregnancy is regarded as a disability (say what!). If only we were in the UK and could enjoy a year with our new babes...

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    1. Exactly. Why is it a disability?

      Also, I don't technically qualify for any maternity leave, so yay US system! I will blog about that eventually for sure.

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    2. I know...I don't think it stuck in my head that it was covered under "disability," until my husband teased me about trying to fake "disabled" to work the system. I was shocked because I kept thinking, wait a second, isn't this time to bond with my baby? There's nothing "wrong" with that. It's just something that should be recognized as valued and important.

      Just that...it's not. Not really.

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  6. Oh wow, I'm such a Brit about this. Less than 9 months feels way too soon to me. Completely cultural, I know, but that's what I'm used to! My favourite thing about the UK system is that it is simply maternity leave, it doesn't get classed under disability or anything else.

    All hospitals at home allow you to take an unpaid sabbatical as well- I know so many staff who've taken a year off to travel, volunteer abroad or pursue another interest or hobby (my doctor sister-in-law took a year to go and live in Denmark when her husband was offered a job move there- she came back to her job when they returned.) Your job is held open for you. Seems crazy to me coming from a system like that to one like the US seems to have, where they won't guarantee your job for a mere 6 months!

    Ah well, it is was it is, and you will enjoy whatever time you have. I'm a total stickler for the rules as well, I could never 'play the system' either.

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    1. Yes Lorna, I thought of you the whole time I was writing this. It literally is SO not fair. No, strike that - it IS fair. It's just that we in the U.S. have it all backwards. Everywhere else has it figured out. Damn.

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  7. I live in California too so I know all the laws for maternity leave. Trust me I know exactly where you are coming from. I felt like crying when the gal at HR was trying to explain to me about leave. I wish I would have had a meeting with her but she insisted on emailing back and forth. Finally, I know exactly what I am getting. If you want help let me know. I can tell you that you do get 60% of your wages and they base it off the quarter worked before you go on leave. Let me know if you need help. I am like you with only 4.5 months off. I will take it though. I have a friend in Arizona who could only have 2 months!!

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    1. 60%...well that's good to know. They gave me a chart that was confusing as hell. Also, my company will match the disability out of my vacation or sick time or something like that? At least until it runs out? Not sure. They also were clear that it's based off your highest quarter in the last year. But, mine are all the same, so no big difference.

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  8. The whole time I was reading this, I was thinking what about adoption? In Canada we get a year of parental leave, which can be split between Mom & Dad and you can take it if you have a bio child or an adopted child. If you were to adopt, you wouldn't get leave to bond with your baby?

    Enjoy your 4.5 months :)

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    1. I think the FMLA (the federal family leave law here in the good ole US of A) allows 3 months for birth or adoption - thank goodness. Either way, still not enough time for this totally colossal event!

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    2. Yep. FMLA does cover adoption as well (and I think other major family changes). So that at least is a nod to parenthood in all its forms :)

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  9. I thought MY maternity leave was complicated! And there's not even a power point presentation to go with mine! Yikes! You'll be so happy you took as much time as possible. :) Soak up all that baby goodness!!

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