Friday, January 11, 2013

A Losing Battle

Do you know what's dangerous about the two week wait?

Hope is a dangerous thing. Dangerous to have too much of it, dangerous to not have enough of it. I think the reason the two week wait is so volatile is because the hope is like a drug. For two weeks (ok 10-16 days), you could be pregnant. That's different than definitely not pregnant. You do silly things. Like figure out the due date of your possibly-non-existent baby, touch your stomach and wonder, plan for things that will need to be changed, imagine where you will be when you find out, and so on and heart-breakingly so on. It's sweet and exciting and dangerous as hell.

And I am right smack in the middle of it. Well, actually, more like the tail end of it. I made it through the middle just fine with a smug little smile and a pat on the back. Good for me for not going crazy again this month. I've really learned my lesson. I feel so calm, cool and collected.

Enter three days before my period is due (9DPO), and SCREEEEEEEEEEECH....!!!!

All sanity is OUT of the window! I jumped right back to where I was last month. I mean, come on guys, my temp rose AGAIN this morning, for the third day in the row. Must meant something right? Oh, and I was an emotional whirlwind today and ended up telling off my crazy landlord. Oh...sounds like a pregnant lady! And.... and......and....

Wow. Stop. Chill. Will someone please give me a pill to stop the craziness? Too bad wine is currently off limits due to this potential-maybe-baby-idea that is the reason I NEED a glass of wine. Oh the irony.

So I guess, in a roundabout way, that's my cycle update. Hoping to make it to Monday to take a test. We'll see.

p.s. The cat sleeping on my lap and the fact that I'm going horseback riding again this weekend is definitely helping hold the insanity at bay.


  1. Oh, hugs to you I am 7DPO and so far doing just fine (except for a minor freak out because my face has been breaking out).

    Hope is very very dangerous. It is crazy making. And I am guilty of all those things like figure out the date of hypothetical baby. And going like look: that would be the same birthday as his father. Or, if my due date is such and such my mom will get to see the tulip fields in bloom at teh same time. It is hard. And as you get closer it gets harder, because denial starts replacing hope, as in "Oh this feels like cramps. Oh sh**. But hey, cramps are a SIGN of early pregnancy". I do hope that horseback riding and your cuddly cat will help you go through this, and I really hope that all this hope is a sign of something else.

  2. Oh, I just told off my crazy landlady last week in the middle of my TWW, too.

    We obviously need to be friends.

  3. Hope is such a beast... And those temp rises are the best way to make you crazy. I hope (argh!!!) that there is good reason!

  4. Amanda...good luck to you getting through it calmly (unlike me).

    Proserpina...haha...good for us standing up for ourselves. Totally, lets be friends ;)

    I'm calmer now because it looks like my wait is over. Temp is down and I got a negative on a test this morning. Everything is classic signs that my period is coming.

  5. Oh how I can relate! I have to tell you...I think of you every day knowing that our cycles are almost the same as each other. Hoping against hope that we both get our BFP!

    I'm 9dpo today. I caved and did take a test but I'm trying, trying, trying to not read too much into this mornings test. I took it at 4:45am and went back to bed. I didn't look at it until a couple of hours later.

    I've felt like I've had a low grade fever for days. Has that been the same for you?


  6. Janet, how similar our experiences are! I'm 12 DPO and should be starting my period today. I've taken two tests now and they're both negative. I also have a low grade fever (99.8) due to this awful cold/flu thing I have, so my temps aren't giving me any insight. Anyhow, I'm pretty sure I'm out, I hope better luck for you!


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