I'm realizing that the impact of this surgery on my mental state is that I'm feeling sad, worried, and impatient during this weird "two week wait" that doesn't really feel like a two week wait. The way I see it, there are only a few options and most of them aren't great:
1) I'm not pregnant. I never was pregnant. I didn't conceive and so there really is no reason to worry at all.
I feel fine about this option. If I never was pregnant, then I didn't lose anything, I didn't cause any harm by having this surgery, and nothing has really changed. With this option, there is no guilt, no loss, no sadness, and no anxiety.
2) I was "pregnant" (can you say pregnant if its three days after conception??) and the surgery will impact such that the egg never implants and never becomes a true pregnancy.
This option is sad. There's no real "guilt" in the traditional sense of the word, because obviously it was something completely out of my control but there is a nagging feeling of sadness that an "almost" was lost. I suppose the good thing about is is there is no way to distinguish between Option 1 and Option 2.
3) I am still "pregnant" and the medications and anesthesia negatively impacted the baby in some way.
This option is tragic. Tragically sad. Not only would it have long-term consequences but I would definitely feel guilt (however irrational that would be).
Basically Option #3 is the worst option.
4) I am still "pregnant" and there are no consequences at all because the egg had not even implanted yet and so none of the medication could impact it at all.
Obviously Option #4 is the best option.
Sooo, right now I'm mostly feeling sad and impatient. Sad that this two week wait is likely not a two week "wait" but just a two week "nothing." And because of that, I'm just impatient to get my period and start over again.