Hey, Calm Down!!

I'm a bit of an emotional wreck today. I don't know if it's from the stress of a work-filled weekend followed by three 12-hour workdays stretching out in front of me or the roller coaster of still recovering from my surgery or if it's just PMS starting. I have been on the pill for 13 years, so I don't know how much I can gauge my typical PMS-symptoms off of those 13 years, but what I've experienced today is pretty typical of about 2-3 days before starting my period. I'm having dull, barely-noticeable cramps, anxiety/mood swings since yesterday, and I had EWCM today (yes this was typical for me even on the pill, just a few days before AF). Oh, and my temperature, which has been slowly dropping over the past few days, took a nosedive today.

So, I think that's it. Honestly, it would be a bit of a relief. I told my husband last night that if I find out I'm pregnant in this cycle I will have 9 months of worrying about whether the surgery had negative effects. I would seriously rather just wait a cycle and try again than have to go through that.

In the meantime, I have to get through the next three days. I work from 8am to 8pm (plus commute time) today *insert whiny moan here* and then two more long days tomorrow and Wednesday. When I get home tonight I have to clean up my house because my family gets in tomorrow for the Holiday. I'm totally looking forward to seeing them, but feel bitter that, because of taking time off last week, I won't be able to spend time with them until Thursday.

I wish I could practice what I preach and use some coping skills or mindfulness to decrease my anxiety. I feel like something is hanging over my head...like I'm forgetting to do something...or something bad is about to happen. I guess that's the definition of free-floating anxiety, hey? But damn, it sucks. Ok, here's my plan: Get through the next 7 hours at work ( 7 hours?!? ), drive home while listening to relaxation music on Pandora, make a simple, no-cooking dinner for my poor, sick husband and I, and then put on some Xmas music while I clean my house and hang some Xmas decorations in an attempt to be festive. Good plan...how am I going to manage it without breaking down?

Step 1 - deep, diaphragmatic breathing.

Ok, somewhat better.

Step 2, remind myself that it's only three days and, as my husband always says, you can do anything for just a short period of time. After that, Thanksgiving, family and good food!

Yes, good point.

Step 3, get my ass to work and stop writing this blog about how anxious I am because I'm behind on my work!!

Wow, ok.....



Oh, and here's a little relaxation recommendation for all of you (mostly for me): check out this website at calm.com. You can pick your own relaxation scene at the bottom of the page and select a mini-relaxation session of 2 minutes or go for the whole 10 minutes (yeah, right, who has time???). I like the site, but it makes me a little sad to realize that other countries, other lifestyles, other cultures have actual built in down-time where you look at actual nature, not just a computer screen. Oh well, this'll do for now.