Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Caffeine-Infused Blogging

I've been thinking about what this blog is about. Originally I wanted to start it so I could document my thoughts during this journey to becoming a mother. Specifically, because I don't want to overwhelm the few friends and family who know I'm trying and don't want to tell everyone else, I needed a place to just write it all down. The excitement, silliness, obsessiveness, craziness, and just general emotionality. I envisioned the blog starting prior to actually trying to conceive and then moving into "making a baby stage" and then pregnancy and then finally trickling into motherhood.

Isn't this what everyone envisions when they start their blog?

But now, I'm starting to read more on the TTC forums and researching others' TTC blogs and I realize the majority of people are not just TTC, but dealing with infertility. This is weird for me, because, as far as I know (*knock on every wooden surface possible*), I won't have problems getting pregnant. But, because I am reading so much about other people's struggles, it leaves me feeling weird when I think things like "Oh, it's a good thing I wasn't pregnant for Thanksgiving so I could drink exorbitant amounts of wine." Hmm. Kinda makes me sound like a shallow jerk, doesn't it? Or, less shallow, and more true, I have had conversations with my husband about how we actually are ok with this taking a few months because we feel so connected and close right now while we're trying to make a baby.

The truth is, I don't want to feel guilty or superstitious or shallow for having the thoughts I'm having. Every woman's journey is different and this is MY journey. Who knows where I'll be in this journey in six months. Pregnant? About to call my doctor? Right where I am now? Who really knows? But right now, where I am right this second, I want to be honest about what I'm feeling.

So, disclaimer to anyone reading this blog should I say something that sounds callous or insensitive. Believe me, I don't mean it that way. I'm just talking about myself, and where I am, right now, on November 27th, 2012. And that is what I want my blog to be about. So I'm going to be careful to not get derailed from what I want to write about. Hopefully it will be helpful or interesting to some people. But mostly, I hope it's helpful to me.

Soooo....that weird rant being said (I think I was lecturing myself....), where AM I today on November 27th? Physically, I'm sitting at my desk avoiding large amounts of paperwork by writing a blog entry. Mentally, I'm planning our Christmas road trip and dreaming about packing up and leaving. Emotionally, I am vacillating between overwhelming stress from work and positive contentment in my personal life. Cycle wise, I'm on CD8, which as I mentioned before, is not as exciting as CD8 the first time around. I'm hoping I ovulate earlier this month so it will be a shorter cycle. But in the meantime, I'm enjoying the pre-ovulation freedom and the pre-ovulation libido increase. Ha. No wonder my husband and I are so close right now!

Anyhow, signing off to get some actual work done.

p.s. Enjoying some Apple Cider Black Tea from Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Delicious way to get in my morning caffeine!


  1. Everyone needs their space. Your space is your space, and you should be free to say whatever you want (as long as it's not directly about someone else!). I am infertile. I found out right after meeting my husband, before even dating him was a thought in my head, that I would be infertile. So I have had a while to get used to the idea, and I also had the benefit of starting fertility treatments right away. I know that my situation is not the norm. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. While it does hurt me to see people who are unhappy because they are pregnant, I'm glad that you aren't dealing with the stress and hopelessness of other TTC bloggers. Of course I'm guilty of my jealous moments but I also know that you (or anyone else) getting pregnant isn't somehow stealing what should be my baby.

    When I started my blog I had the same thought, I'm going to be TTC, then pregnant, then post weekly updates about my baby, then maybe start posting twice a week when I start TTC again. It was actually with this thought in mind that I came up with my blog title and tagline thing. I hope we both get to transform our blogs the way we want!

  2. Thank you for your open and honest response. I have no idea whether I am "fertile," "infertile," "hopeless-basket-case," or whatever. But I'm just starting out, and don't want to assume anything until I know. Sooo this is where I am right now.

    Again, I appreciate your comments so much and I am enjoying reading your blog as well. I wish you the best of luck and hope things turn "positive" soon with the help of the treatments.


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