So far, I would say this whole trying-to-make-a-baby thing has been fun. I've been in the happy, excited bliss of just getting started. But today, I glimpsed a tiny bit of the emotional roller coaster that must be after months and months of trying. In fact, I glimpsed just enough to know to I can't even begin to comprehend it nor understand how women keep going month after month. To those of you out there, you have my respect and awe.
Why do I say this, you might ask? Because I took my first pregnancy test. I just couldn't help myself. I was so worried my temp would drop today that, when it didn't, I ran into the bathroom and peed on a stick. An expensive plastic stick. Negative, of course. At 11DPO. What else was I expecting? Well, obviously, you can imagine what I was hoping. Anyhow, that was sad, but still, just a blip. I was ok after that, if feeling a little silly. But then I started to have some spotting today, the day before my suspected period. According to Occam's theory, we can deduce that the simplest explanation would be that my period will show up like clockwork tomorrow. Ok, even that I can accept.
It's just that...well, now everything seems grayer. And I have to re-adjust my expectations of what the holidays will be, and...and...and...Damn.
WAIT! Oh god, I'm doing it! Doing what I see so many women do on the forums. "Oh I tested today at 5DPO and it was negative, so I must be out this month. Oh no, how sad." Ha. Wow, calm down lady. Don't count yourself out until you're out. And don't be so damn dramatic. BUT, I get it. From the bottom of my heart, I get it. I foolishly announced my hopes to the blog world and all of six (two? three?) people may have read it and now here I am saying, "Ooops, just kidding. This month is the same as last month."
But, I guess, I'm still on the ride, so I'll just hold on and wait until it starts over again. Can I just fast forward to tomorrow?